Chess

My oldest daughter will be five at the end of October and last night was the first time we played a game of chess with all the pieces.. yes, the knights were included.

She started learning to play chess about two weeks ago. Before starting the process I did some research to see how you get started. With all the different pieces I wondered how she would pick it all up. My research told me that I needed to start with just a couple of pieces on the board, and slowly build. So in the first game we played my daughter had the queen and I had the eight pawns. To win she had to take all my pawns before one of my pawns made it to the end of the board. The other important factor is that she had to win every game.

So we progressed from the queen takes pawns games to adding bishops and rooks to the board. Then she had to checkmate my king with the queen and two rooks. I showed her how pieces are protected and pinned.

Bit by bit she has picked it up, playing for 20-30 minutes a night, three or four nights a week.

So last night when we played with all the pieces it was quite a moment. I still talk through the moves with her and help her see different options, but she gets it, and I can see that she's thinking about her strategy.

And of course, last night she won again!

Christmas Gifts

It's just a few days from Christmas now, and I was reflecting the other day on the whole theory of gift giving. With two young children we have gifts to give them, but as I thought about the best gifts I have received in my life, not one of them came wrapped in paper.

As concerned parents we find ourselves is discussions with other parents on the merits of certain pre-schools and educational philosophies, how much television children should watch and whether computer games with violence should be allowed. There are so many details that can be argued for and against.

When I think of what's important and what will carry our children forward to live a long and happy life, the details are quite insignificant. I feel it's the big things that matter when parenting. There's no way my wife and I will make all the right decisions on the details, but we can ensure we do the big things well.

As I see it there are three gifts we as parents need to give to our children. These gifts are not given once, but are continually given over a lifetime.

The first is unconditional love. Unconditional love is the solid foundation on which a steady life can be built. Unconditional love is love that is shown and demonstrated no matter what happens. Unconditional love is shown in the most trying situations, for example, when a family heirloom is broken, when the car has been written off or when failing grades appear in a report card. Unconditional love is the knowledge that someone is loved for who they are, not what they do or what they have. Unconditional love is something you carry with you everywhere you go as a protective shield against any potential harm. Unconditional love by its very nature is never lost... it is unconditional.

The second is the ability to think. And I don't mean this in the simplest form, for example if I said, "Think of a number between one and a hundred" I'm sure anyone could do that. That's not the thinking I'm referring to. Thinking is coming up with a solution to a problem. Thinking is inventing, creating. Thinking is deciding that you don't accept everything as it is but questioning why. Asking questions like, "Why are there so many species of tree? Why is the sky blue? Why do people get jealous? Why do people voluntarily put themselves in harm's way? The ability to think comes from the time and opportunity to do so. The less children are "fed" what to think and the more they are encouraged to create their own thoughts, the better the thinking muscle will be developed and the greater their ability to survive in an ever-changing world.

The third, and by no means any less important than the other two is faith. I don't mean religious faith, but faith in oneself. It's the faith in knowing that everything will turn out for the best because I am in control of my destiny. It's the faith in being able to rely on yourself to get the job done. It's the faith that whatever you do will result in success eventually. It's that inner knowing that you will have life full of triumphs. It's knowing that no matter what happens you can always bounce back stronger and even if you can't see the way forward it will present itself.

It's that knowing, supported by the unconditional love and coupled with the wherewithal to discover answers through clear thinking that forms a potent and unstoppable force for personal success.

Really, when you think about the trivialities that fill our time, there are but a few fundamentals that make it all happen in life. These are the greatest gifts of all.

Happy Halloween!

As an Australian, I never celebrated Halloween - not for any religious reasons, but because Halloween is not part of the Australian culture... or should I say, the Australian retailers haven't worked out how lucrative it can be.

I must say that I was amazed when I first came to Canada how much the shops get involved with Halloween paraphernalia. Even Shoppers Drug Mart had an aisle dedicated.

But as a Canadian citizen I choose to get involved, and especially since we now have children, i can see it being a lot of fun for them too.

Every year I've been carving pumpkins, and this year I carved Arnold Schwarzenegger...

Then, tonight for the very first time ever I went trick-or-treating. Yes, I'm in my thirties and I trick-or-treated for the first time!! I went with my daughter Vienna, who celebrated her 2nd birthday on October 29th. She went as a bear and I carried the bag of goodies.

We didn't teach her trick or treat, so she said "please" with her little hands outstretched, "thank you" (which sounds more like "fafu") when she received the goodies, and "roar" on cue when the people asked what she was.

It was awesome!

I must say that I always looked at Halloween as a money grab for the shops and another time to unnecessarily spend money, but I had so much fun with Vienna that I now think it should be a part of every child's upbringing.

Breaking Habits

My wife and I have realized how difficult it can be to break a habit... not ours, but our daughter's. Vienna is 21 months old and up until a week ago was drinking all her milk from the bottle.

A bottle on rising in the morning, a bottle before lunch, one after her nap in the middle of the afternoon, and one just before bed time.

Our family doctor told us that, for the benefit of her teeth, we shouldn't feed her the bottle anymore. So we stopped.

But to get her to drink milk out of anything else has been impossible... and we've tried. We tried about five different cups, heating the milk, not heating the milk, adding chocolate, pretending to drink it ourselves, or feeding it to her teddy bears. It doesn't matter what we try, she sees right through our tactics. Nothing is as good as milk out of the bottle!

For about a year Vienna has been drinking all sorts of fluids from sippy-cups, normal cups, through a straw, juice boxes, but milk has always been consumed from a bottle. We tried a few months ago to get her to drink milk from a sippy-cup, but to no avail.

As parents, we suddenly realised the error of our ways, and good that we recognized that before our second is born (due in six weeks). Try not to establish habits that you know in the future you will have to break. Rather, try to establish the habit of flexibility and variation. If only we had our daughter drinking milk from more than one container from an early age, phasing out the bottle wouldn't be an issue.

Instead we've abandoned the bottle completely and with it, her milk consumption has dropped by 80%. So now we scramble to add milk or cheese to her diet where possible.

I know this will be a short-term situation, but it's frustrating because we didn't foresee this problem, but looking back we can see how we helped create it.

What Do You Do?

Not "How do you do?", but "What do you do?" is usually one of the first questions asked of you by an almost-stranger that you meet at a party.

It's an interesting question to ask, really, and completely logical when you think about it. Someone who works full-time spends almost one third of their week either at work or commuting. When you consider that the average person also spends almost a third sleeping, it's around half of the waking time. So it is a fair enough question to ask what someone does with half of their waking time.

But how many people do not identify themselves with their job? I, for one. In fact I know many people who are working in a job that doesn't represent the kind of person they are... it simply pays the bills.

I actually dislike answering that question, because I feel that a short response will give a false impression. For example:

"What do you do for a living?"
"I work in marketing for a car dealership."
"Oh. Can you get a me a good deal on a new car?"
"Well, I don't actually sell cars..." etc.

You see I get caught in a conversation about marketing, cars, the fate of the US domestic manufacturers and the price of gas when I have no interest in any of them!

But what about the question, "What are your interests?"

To that I have a wide selection of answers I could put forward, all of which are interesting to me because they are my interests, and maybe my enthusiasm for it might make you interested in hearing about them.

But that's beside the real point.

What does our job really mean? Whether or not we identify with our job, which many don't, what real difference does it make what we do for a living?

I was reading a parenting magazine today and the article was talking about parents having dreams for their children, and that - (I paraphrase) "...all good parents want their children to be successful. Which parent looks at their one-hour-old infant and wants them to become a telemarketer?"

I'm not a telemarketer and I don't personally know anyone who is, but I thought very little of that last statement. After all, what's wrong with being a telemarketer? It's just as honorable a job as a politician or lawyer or car salesman. There's no difference in quality of person between a telemarketer or garbage collector and a Chief Financial Officer or a Chemical Engineer.

We're all the same, relatively speaking, and we all serve a purpose on this planet. Some people get paid more than others, but that isn't the only measure of value. Someone may be a more valuable employee, but that says little about their value as a friend or partner, parent or role model. Tiger Woods and Tom Cruise are a couple of the best paid individuals on earth, but that doesn't mean their any better a person than I am or you are. They're just richer.

As a society we spend far too much time placing value on things outside of us - what we do for a living, what we own, where we live, what people think of us. These are all superficial, and have no meaning when we're dead.

Would you rather a eulogy that read...

Bill was a great man. He will be remembered for the hours he sweated at the office, and the huge bonuses he took home at the end of the year. As a member of the most exclusive clubs he circulated only with the hob nobs in the city. His taste was impeccable and he bought only the finest money could afford. His collection of old cars and his beautiful home are a testimony to his clever investments and excellent earning capacity.

Or this...

Bill was a great man. He will be remembered for the hours he put in coaching his son's baseball team, and for the funny stories he told at the family camping trips. As a friend he was the best. Always there to lend a helping hand and the first to invite you over for dinner or a beer. His happy wife and beautiful children are a testimony to his tireless effort to always give back more than he took.

Like most parents I have a dream for my children. My dream is that they have many and varied experiences, that they learn about life and cherish their friends, and that they are satisfied and fulfilled in whatever pursuits they choose. I would like my children to appreciate what's real, and have a healthy self-esteem based on respect and knowing that who they are is the most important, not what they do, what they own or what other people think about them.

Think about life and what matters. Think about your own life and what excites you, and which days you don't need the alarm to get up. Those are the days you're really living and that's really what "you do."

So... What do I do?

I paint, I read, I learn, I travel, I coach, and most of all, I'm a Dad, a husband and a good friend.

"Up."

About a week ago my little sunshine, my daughter, started saying her first word which she understood the meaning of. She's been saying random words here and there, but last week she said something and meant it.

We've been teaching her sign language, and since Christmas she's been actively signing "Please", "Eat", "More", "Drink", "Wash hands", "Bath", "Shoes", "GOOAAL!!" (She raises both hands in the air and smiles) and recently "Telephone". She's combining all these signs together now in two and three-word hybrid sentences, and gets a lot of satisfaction because we're happy she's signing and she's happy she's getting what she wants. We're also more inclined to give her what she wants to encourage her if she asks nicely with a "Please". Mostly when she wants something she points and indicates "please" by rubbing her tummy (baby sign-language). We always repeat the word for what she wants so she'll learn it, and then last week...

She put her arms up to get lifted up and she said "Up". The equal-second-shortest word in the English language was her first! Since then she's followed that up with "hug" and a few other words she's beginning to wrap her tongue around.

It's amazing to see her own satisfaction at learning something new. Obviously we're excited for her as well, which encourages her in her new pursuit of conversation. It's exciting times for all concerned!

Uncomplicated Living

One thing you learn from children is that they have uncomplicated lives. They haven't had the time (and stupidity) that we as adults have to complicate matters.

When I look at my 15-month daughter and see how she lives every moment in the present, it's inspirational. She doesn't dwell on things or get stressed. If she falls down and hurts herself she cries and gets over it. Something that bothers her now will be forgotten in five seconds. "Moving on" is about finding something new to do. For example... "I'm upset that you took that toy out of my hand... but it's okay now that you've just given me a book to play with."

Wouldn't it be a simpler world if we all forgave and forgot as quickly as children do? Children are amazing and we can learn so much from them if we are prepared to.

Learning Something New.

Sometimes it's very easy to get inspired, and sometimes it's tough. But this weekend my eleven month old daughter inspired me with her new trick... walking!

She's not quite walking on her own yet, but she's pushing a little "truck" around and started walking on her own.

I watched and guided her around our living room and kitchen and she was so pleased with herself. She's been standing for a while now and props herself up on furniture, but has always resorted to all-fours for transport purposes, because it's still quicker.

But after this watershed moment on Sunday maybe she'll try two feet instead.

It was inspiring because here was someone who was so pleased that she had learned something new, and was so keen to keep practicing her new skill all over the house. She was laughing and screaming with delight, as were her parents who had the joy of witnessing our little ray of sunshine in full flight.

Learning a new skill, or trying something for the first time is likely to get anyone excited and make them feel invigorated. And there's no time like today to try something new, to make us feel young again.

We can learn something from anyone in this world, even my eleven month old daughter!