Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
56 Hours Later!
We finally arrived in Australia and what was supposed to be a very good set of connections turned into a disaster!
We left our home in Calgary at 3pm for a 6pm flight departure. The drive to the airport was smooth, and we had no traffic problems. Our flight from Calgary to San Frnasisco left on time and all was well. We arrived in San Francisco on time and it was all looking good. We transfered to the international terminal and waited patiently at Gate G94.
Flight UA863 was ready to leave on time at 10:53pm and we boarded. Up up and away. We're on our way to Sydney, a 14 hour non-stop flight.
Everything was running perfectly... or so we thought.
After about 90 minutes of flying the Captain comes makes an announcement. "We are having mechanical problems and we will have to turn back to San Francisco. We can't get fuel from one of our tanks and won't have enough to make it through to Sydney."
That was it, we were turning back. It felt like we never even gave it a s second chance. At least if he had spoken to us 15 minutes earlier and said thye were having difficulties, stay tuned, and then broken the news to us it might have felt like we at least everything.
So we arrive back in San Fransisco, just long enough after departure to see the conclusion of one of the worst movies ever financed "Poseidon" about a sinking cruise ship.
We were told to wait for a Ground Service Supervisor to board t5he plane and tell us what was happening. We were thinking we'd have an hour or so delay, fix the valve problem, re-fuel and take off. Err... No.
"Your flight has been rescheduled for 11pm tomorrow night."
I'm sorry, could you repeat that please?
"Unfortunately there is a big conference here in San Fransicsco and all the hotel rooms are booked, but we will do the best we can for you."
Great. so now I have to think about sleeping in an airport all night with a one year old! This is not what I signed up for.
"You will not have access to your bags. They will be held secure in the plabne, and put on your next flight tomorrow."
Even better!
We found ourselves a quiet corner of the airport and snuggled with our daughter Vienna between us. We were most worried that she would wake up in the middle of the night and go crawling in the biggest "living room" she'd ever seen.
Lucky for us she didn't and at around 4am we were asked if we wanted to go to the United Airways guest lounge Red Carpet to sleep where it would be more comfortable. We pulled out some seat cushion and made a bed and fell asleep.
At 5am we were told we weren't allowed to be lying down on the floor as the lounge was opening to members who didn't want the place to look like the Houston Astrodome the day after Katrina hit.
So we sat in the chairs and fell asleep again.
At around 8am we decided to return to the airport and get our food vouchers we were promised. Nearly an hour in the line and we received our $70 food vouchers redeemable at any vendor in the airport.
We decided against leaving the airport to walk around downtown San Fransisco because with Vienna it would have been difficult to organize her naps and playtime outside of the stroller. We thought it might be easier for us to nap at the airport and for her to play on the vast carpet living room that presented her.
So we napped and walked and read and played and napped and wandered around and at and napped. You get the idea it was a great way to start our trip! As time wore on I was smelling more and more like old hockey equipment.
As the brutally long day at the airport was coming to a clsoe we reconvened with our fellow travellers to take flight again at 10:50pm, exactly one day after we were supposed to. Our Qantas connecting flight to Adelaide had also been rescheduled to the corresponding flight the following day, so all was in order.
We all boarded, happy to know that it was a different plane. We were starting afresh, with renewed hope and were prepared to forget the bad day we had had, because we were on our way to Australia.
We all boarded on time and the plane gently pulled out of the gate. Slowly, slowly we reverse out and then start moving towards the runway.
We stop and wait our turn to take off. We wait, and wait. We keep waiting. Hmmm. Why aren't we moving?
It's now 12:35am. "This is your Captain speaking." I can hear by his tone that he's not about to tell us we've reached ourt cruising altitude and we'll be arriving in Sydney as expected. I also know he's not going to tell us that because we're still on the ground. "I have bad news. We're having mechanical problems with this plane. We can't get engine number four started. But we'll taxi back to the gate and have an engineer look at at, and we'll be on our way."
Engine four doesn't start!? Geez I hope they don't just "get it going". It'd better work for 14 hours until we arrive!
"This is your captain again. There's another plane here in the airport. We'll get that fuelled and switch over to the new plane and depart from Gate 96. We'll be departing at 1:35am"
So we all get out and walk over to the neighbouring gate ready to board. It's just after 1am and they start to call pasengers in seating row order on to the plane. Some time passes and they're still doing first and business classes.
Then a voice comes over the PA system, "If the plane isn't boarded and the doors are closed by 1:35 the flight is cancelled."
Suddenly we had Pamplona and the running of the bulls at Gate 96, with everyone charging onto the plane. And everyone was in crisis mode. There was no food or supplies, and they were all getting loaded on at the same time as the cranky passengers.
1:37am and the doors close. We made it!
Some time after 2am and the plane flies into the night sky. Would this be the one? Could we really make it to Australia this time?
Australia felt like such a long way away, that it could take two aborted missions and a 24 hour delay to get us there, but all the signs were now good.
We landed in Sydney 14 hours later to rapturous applause, 27 hours after we were supposed to... and 25 minutes after our Adelaide flight had departed.
Eventually we boarded our Qantas flight that had also been delayed by twenty minutes and landed in Adelaide almost exactly 56 hours after we left our home in Calgary, of which I slept about four hours.
Our daughter, who turned one year old today was a little trooper the whole time. She barely made a peep and was generally in good spirits laughing and joking with other passengers. She was also very tired and napped for an hour every three or four hours. she had one long stretch of four hours sleep on the 14 hour flight. All in all Vienna amazed us with her patience and good nature... but we hope she doesn't have to go through that again for a very long time.
We left our home in Calgary at 3pm for a 6pm flight departure. The drive to the airport was smooth, and we had no traffic problems. Our flight from Calgary to San Frnasisco left on time and all was well. We arrived in San Francisco on time and it was all looking good. We transfered to the international terminal and waited patiently at Gate G94.
Flight UA863 was ready to leave on time at 10:53pm and we boarded. Up up and away. We're on our way to Sydney, a 14 hour non-stop flight.
Everything was running perfectly... or so we thought.
After about 90 minutes of flying the Captain comes makes an announcement. "We are having mechanical problems and we will have to turn back to San Francisco. We can't get fuel from one of our tanks and won't have enough to make it through to Sydney."
That was it, we were turning back. It felt like we never even gave it a s second chance. At least if he had spoken to us 15 minutes earlier and said thye were having difficulties, stay tuned, and then broken the news to us it might have felt like we at least everything.
So we arrive back in San Fransisco, just long enough after departure to see the conclusion of one of the worst movies ever financed "Poseidon" about a sinking cruise ship.
We were told to wait for a Ground Service Supervisor to board t5he plane and tell us what was happening. We were thinking we'd have an hour or so delay, fix the valve problem, re-fuel and take off. Err... No.
"Your flight has been rescheduled for 11pm tomorrow night."
I'm sorry, could you repeat that please?
"Unfortunately there is a big conference here in San Fransicsco and all the hotel rooms are booked, but we will do the best we can for you."
Great. so now I have to think about sleeping in an airport all night with a one year old! This is not what I signed up for.
"You will not have access to your bags. They will be held secure in the plabne, and put on your next flight tomorrow."
Even better!
We found ourselves a quiet corner of the airport and snuggled with our daughter Vienna between us. We were most worried that she would wake up in the middle of the night and go crawling in the biggest "living room" she'd ever seen.
Lucky for us she didn't and at around 4am we were asked if we wanted to go to the United Airways guest lounge Red Carpet to sleep where it would be more comfortable. We pulled out some seat cushion and made a bed and fell asleep.
At 5am we were told we weren't allowed to be lying down on the floor as the lounge was opening to members who didn't want the place to look like the Houston Astrodome the day after Katrina hit.
So we sat in the chairs and fell asleep again.
At around 8am we decided to return to the airport and get our food vouchers we were promised. Nearly an hour in the line and we received our $70 food vouchers redeemable at any vendor in the airport.
We decided against leaving the airport to walk around downtown San Fransisco because with Vienna it would have been difficult to organize her naps and playtime outside of the stroller. We thought it might be easier for us to nap at the airport and for her to play on the vast carpet living room that presented her.
So we napped and walked and read and played and napped and wandered around and at and napped. You get the idea it was a great way to start our trip! As time wore on I was smelling more and more like old hockey equipment.
As the brutally long day at the airport was coming to a clsoe we reconvened with our fellow travellers to take flight again at 10:50pm, exactly one day after we were supposed to. Our Qantas connecting flight to Adelaide had also been rescheduled to the corresponding flight the following day, so all was in order.
We all boarded, happy to know that it was a different plane. We were starting afresh, with renewed hope and were prepared to forget the bad day we had had, because we were on our way to Australia.
We all boarded on time and the plane gently pulled out of the gate. Slowly, slowly we reverse out and then start moving towards the runway.
We stop and wait our turn to take off. We wait, and wait. We keep waiting. Hmmm. Why aren't we moving?
It's now 12:35am. "This is your Captain speaking." I can hear by his tone that he's not about to tell us we've reached ourt cruising altitude and we'll be arriving in Sydney as expected. I also know he's not going to tell us that because we're still on the ground. "I have bad news. We're having mechanical problems with this plane. We can't get engine number four started. But we'll taxi back to the gate and have an engineer look at at, and we'll be on our way."
Engine four doesn't start!? Geez I hope they don't just "get it going". It'd better work for 14 hours until we arrive!
"This is your captain again. There's another plane here in the airport. We'll get that fuelled and switch over to the new plane and depart from Gate 96. We'll be departing at 1:35am"
So we all get out and walk over to the neighbouring gate ready to board. It's just after 1am and they start to call pasengers in seating row order on to the plane. Some time passes and they're still doing first and business classes.
Then a voice comes over the PA system, "If the plane isn't boarded and the doors are closed by 1:35 the flight is cancelled."
Suddenly we had Pamplona and the running of the bulls at Gate 96, with everyone charging onto the plane. And everyone was in crisis mode. There was no food or supplies, and they were all getting loaded on at the same time as the cranky passengers.
1:37am and the doors close. We made it!
Some time after 2am and the plane flies into the night sky. Would this be the one? Could we really make it to Australia this time?
Australia felt like such a long way away, that it could take two aborted missions and a 24 hour delay to get us there, but all the signs were now good.
We landed in Sydney 14 hours later to rapturous applause, 27 hours after we were supposed to... and 25 minutes after our Adelaide flight had departed.
Eventually we boarded our Qantas flight that had also been delayed by twenty minutes and landed in Adelaide almost exactly 56 hours after we left our home in Calgary, of which I slept about four hours.
Our daughter, who turned one year old today was a little trooper the whole time. She barely made a peep and was generally in good spirits laughing and joking with other passengers. She was also very tired and napped for an hour every three or four hours. she had one long stretch of four hours sleep on the 14 hour flight. All in all Vienna amazed us with her patience and good nature... but we hope she doesn't have to go through that again for a very long time.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Living Your True Calling
Living your true calling is something that is quite difficult I realize, especially when you're not aware what your true calling is.
I know a few people who are in the stage of their life where they are not happy doing what they're doing, but have no idea what they should be doing instead. Last week I worked out one thing for sure. If you're not happy what you're doing now, then make some big changes, do some things you've never done before and get some balls rolling. Hopefully one of those balls will become the ball.
One thing I did a while ago was change my frame of mind. For a while I was only looking at the negative side of my life, where I really have a very positive life. It was only a matter of looking at the negative circumstances and asking what's good about them. This change of attitude started about eight to twelve months ago.
So I also decided that I should start pursuing some of the spiritual goals I had in the back of my mind that had never had any time put behind them.
I signed up for a tarot card class, and an evening meditation with spirit guides. Things started to happen from there, and suddenly I'm putting together a meditation group that meets every week and I'm calling a few people I haven't spoken to for a long time.
And then things start to change. I decide to drop my weekly ten-pin bowling in favour of weekly meditation, and as you've read in this blog, my third (psychic) eye is opening.
Now, in addition to what I've been doing, I've also been reading and reading. I refer back to my blog entry from August 21st, a full two months ago, when my spirit guide told me what I needed to know, although at the time it didn't make complete sense.
"I am Michael. Your spirit guide."
"What should I do?" I asked, hoping for clarity.
"Make phone calls."
"Phone calls? What phone calls? "What else? What else should I be doing."
"Paint like there's no tomorrow."
"That makes sense at least. And what about my writing?"
"You should write after you've painted."
"Hmmm... And what about Tarot cards?"
"Keep working with them."
"Okay. What about meditiation?"
"Meditation is good for you."
"Oh, and what about my job? What should I do about that?"
"Your job will take care of itself."
"What does that mean?"
"Use this time. You will know when the time comes to change."
"It will be clear?"
"Yes."
I believe it is now clear. I've told a couple of people my idea and received some very positive feedback, and some good ideas to tweak it. Although it will not financially sustain me (in fact the idea is one that is designed to lose money - but that's okay, because it helps people), and actually may never sustain me, I believe that one day it will because I believe this may also be my true calling. And if you follow your true calling, the Universe will provide for you.
I know a few people who are in the stage of their life where they are not happy doing what they're doing, but have no idea what they should be doing instead. Last week I worked out one thing for sure. If you're not happy what you're doing now, then make some big changes, do some things you've never done before and get some balls rolling. Hopefully one of those balls will become the ball.
One thing I did a while ago was change my frame of mind. For a while I was only looking at the negative side of my life, where I really have a very positive life. It was only a matter of looking at the negative circumstances and asking what's good about them. This change of attitude started about eight to twelve months ago.
So I also decided that I should start pursuing some of the spiritual goals I had in the back of my mind that had never had any time put behind them.
I signed up for a tarot card class, and an evening meditation with spirit guides. Things started to happen from there, and suddenly I'm putting together a meditation group that meets every week and I'm calling a few people I haven't spoken to for a long time.
And then things start to change. I decide to drop my weekly ten-pin bowling in favour of weekly meditation, and as you've read in this blog, my third (psychic) eye is opening.
Now, in addition to what I've been doing, I've also been reading and reading. I refer back to my blog entry from August 21st, a full two months ago, when my spirit guide told me what I needed to know, although at the time it didn't make complete sense.
"I am Michael. Your spirit guide."
"What should I do?" I asked, hoping for clarity.
"Make phone calls."
"Phone calls? What phone calls? "What else? What else should I be doing."
"Paint like there's no tomorrow."
"That makes sense at least. And what about my writing?"
"You should write after you've painted."
"Hmmm... And what about Tarot cards?"
"Keep working with them."
"Okay. What about meditiation?"
"Meditation is good for you."
"Oh, and what about my job? What should I do about that?"
"Your job will take care of itself."
"What does that mean?"
"Use this time. You will know when the time comes to change."
"It will be clear?"
"Yes."
I believe it is now clear. I've told a couple of people my idea and received some very positive feedback, and some good ideas to tweak it. Although it will not financially sustain me (in fact the idea is one that is designed to lose money - but that's okay, because it helps people), and actually may never sustain me, I believe that one day it will because I believe this may also be my true calling. And if you follow your true calling, the Universe will provide for you.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Inspiring Others
Ever since Thanksgiving when I gave hamburgers to some homeless people I've been thinking about how I can inspire people who will in turn inspire others, on sort of a "pay it forward" philosophy. If you haven't seen the movie "Pay It Forward" I highly recommend it.
While helping out some homeless people was enriching to a point, it didn't move me like I hoped it would. I think that's essentially because the effort I made with them stopped with them. A few people I've told about my experience have also been inspired in a small way, but not to the point that I feel it was an awesome experience.
And I'm looking for nothing less than awesome.
So I have an idea to help people who can in turn help others, and pay it forward. By inspiring 50 people directly, maybe I can inspire 50,000 indirectly, and I believe that over time this can gain momentum and get more people involved and affect millions.
At this stage I won't divulge the plan. I will wait until I have the ball rolling a little. This whole thing only came together as an idea yesterday, after being inspired by the Wayne Dyer book I've been reading.
I feel excited by this and I know it's the right thing. It's the first time in a long time that I've really been excited by something, and that in itself is awesome. I will write a book about the experiences I will have on this journey, which in turn will inspire others. It's a journey that will take me at least a year, but every moment will be precious.
Precious moments make a rich life.
While helping out some homeless people was enriching to a point, it didn't move me like I hoped it would. I think that's essentially because the effort I made with them stopped with them. A few people I've told about my experience have also been inspired in a small way, but not to the point that I feel it was an awesome experience.
And I'm looking for nothing less than awesome.
So I have an idea to help people who can in turn help others, and pay it forward. By inspiring 50 people directly, maybe I can inspire 50,000 indirectly, and I believe that over time this can gain momentum and get more people involved and affect millions.
At this stage I won't divulge the plan. I will wait until I have the ball rolling a little. This whole thing only came together as an idea yesterday, after being inspired by the Wayne Dyer book I've been reading.
I feel excited by this and I know it's the right thing. It's the first time in a long time that I've really been excited by something, and that in itself is awesome. I will write a book about the experiences I will have on this journey, which in turn will inspire others. It's a journey that will take me at least a year, but every moment will be precious.
Precious moments make a rich life.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Why I don't Watch Television
There's not much on television these days that is uplifting. You only have to flick on the six o'clock news to see disaster after tragedy after drama. And the odd thing about it is that we have trained people who scour the world to find depressing, negative news stories. It also seems that reporting the bad news is a glamourous job... noble even... and to die in the "line of duty" is on a level with dying for your country (not that I think that is any nobler!)
In fact the more terrible the tragedy, the bigger the coverage. Three people get killed in a car accident, and there's one or two reporters and the news is only broadcast locally. 50 get killed in a bus accident and it's national news. Make it a school bus, and many countries will pick up the story. When a whole plane goes down, or one of the deceased is even remotely famous (say Dr Phil's brother-in-law) and it's world news.
Then we have the terrorists, the suicide bombers, the threats. It's all about making us live in fear. And what's the good of that? Really, what's the good of watching anything that's angry, violent or depressing? Not much! Of all programs, the news is the worst culprit, and CNN is the king of that hill... or the top of the heap!
Then there's the other programs. My wife likes watching Grey's Anatomy and she's part of a large herd that does. I've seen the program a few times and it's one drama after the next. Every character is tired, angry, frustrated, over-worked and under-appreciated, and though it might be an accurate reflection of how a hospital runs, it's certainly not the show that I would choose to watch if I wanted to feel uplifted and ready to conquer the world. funny then that it's one of the top television shows in Canada!
Most programs won't uplift or inspire, and I guess when the only limited resource we have in this life is time, I don't want to waste a precious moment dragging myself down, when I could be lifting myself and others up.
Before mass media we had ourselves our families and our work. The only news that people knew about was very local and it was passed on through word of mouth. People sent letters and later they read the occasional newspaper, but essentially there were no concerns of global destruction. People just got on with living their simpler lives.
Compare that to today where people can access news and media and advertising at any time of the day wherever they are. And that people choose to have that access is counter-intuitive. It's for that reason, also, that I don't possess a mobile phone. I don't want to be contactable at any time. And since I'm not a doctor or a mechanic, there's little I can do in an emergency situation.
In many ways technology has helped us lead a simpler life, but it also gives us a life with far more worries should we choose them, and by the popularity of television, people choose it. According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than 4 hours of TV each day (or 28 hours/week, or 2 months of nonstop TV-watching per year). In a 65-year life, that person will have spent 9 years glued to the tube! What a waste of life.
Based on those figures, if you looked at what's the single biggest influence in the average person's life, you'd have to say the television. And it's sad to think that people could be most influenced by strangers with little good to tell.
I say, "Switch it off!"
In fact the more terrible the tragedy, the bigger the coverage. Three people get killed in a car accident, and there's one or two reporters and the news is only broadcast locally. 50 get killed in a bus accident and it's national news. Make it a school bus, and many countries will pick up the story. When a whole plane goes down, or one of the deceased is even remotely famous (say Dr Phil's brother-in-law) and it's world news.
Then we have the terrorists, the suicide bombers, the threats. It's all about making us live in fear. And what's the good of that? Really, what's the good of watching anything that's angry, violent or depressing? Not much! Of all programs, the news is the worst culprit, and CNN is the king of that hill... or the top of the heap!
Then there's the other programs. My wife likes watching Grey's Anatomy and she's part of a large herd that does. I've seen the program a few times and it's one drama after the next. Every character is tired, angry, frustrated, over-worked and under-appreciated, and though it might be an accurate reflection of how a hospital runs, it's certainly not the show that I would choose to watch if I wanted to feel uplifted and ready to conquer the world. funny then that it's one of the top television shows in Canada!
Most programs won't uplift or inspire, and I guess when the only limited resource we have in this life is time, I don't want to waste a precious moment dragging myself down, when I could be lifting myself and others up.
Before mass media we had ourselves our families and our work. The only news that people knew about was very local and it was passed on through word of mouth. People sent letters and later they read the occasional newspaper, but essentially there were no concerns of global destruction. People just got on with living their simpler lives.
Compare that to today where people can access news and media and advertising at any time of the day wherever they are. And that people choose to have that access is counter-intuitive. It's for that reason, also, that I don't possess a mobile phone. I don't want to be contactable at any time. And since I'm not a doctor or a mechanic, there's little I can do in an emergency situation.
In many ways technology has helped us lead a simpler life, but it also gives us a life with far more worries should we choose them, and by the popularity of television, people choose it. According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than 4 hours of TV each day (or 28 hours/week, or 2 months of nonstop TV-watching per year). In a 65-year life, that person will have spent 9 years glued to the tube! What a waste of life.
Based on those figures, if you looked at what's the single biggest influence in the average person's life, you'd have to say the television. And it's sad to think that people could be most influenced by strangers with little good to tell.
I say, "Switch it off!"
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
It'll be alright...
My wife always tells me that, "a happy wife is a happy life." I've been married long enough to know it's the truth.
However, you don't need to have a happy wife to be happy yourself. Happiness comes from within.
Everyone makes a decision each morning to be in a particular mood for the day. It seems odd to some of my friends, but you will often hear me say "It's a great day to be alive." - especially when it's cold and dreary outside, like it has been in Calgary this week. It's particularly on those days that we need to remind oursleves that it is great day to be alive. It's certainly better than the alternative!
Every morning when we get up we make a decision how much we will enjoy the day. I try to live every day as though it were my last, which means I enjoy it, and I have a lot of laughs. I'd hate to die and not have laughed on my last day. I also try to help others live their days in the same way, but that's not necessarily in my complete control.
But really it's about making that decision every day to be positive, and look at the challenges life deals us as a positive influence. Some of the greatest "disasters" in my life have been the greatest learning experiences. And actually I'm thankful for those experiences because it's those experiences that made me grow into the person I am today. Sometimes it's difficult to be thankful at the time, but with the help of a few positive thoughts and asking yourself the right questions it can be done.
When something seems like it's going wrong ask yourself...
I live my life by the motto that "it'll be alright". At the start of my marriage, my wife would get very annoyed when I would respond "it'll be alright" if she came to me with a concern or complaint. She would retort, "it isn't alright!"
I would then answer, "Ever since I've been alive it has always been alright, and if I die, then I won't be here, so it'll still be alright."
Now she sees the value in believing everything will be alright. It allows you to move on quickly from a situation and not dwell on it. The greatest damage done is not necessarily at the time of the incident, but in the months or years afterwards, when the regrets, ill-feelings and worries fester. If we spend our lives worrying about the past, we won't have any energy to live the present.
Saying "it'll be alright" and moving on allows you to forgive the moment and not let it build up with other issues that over time become "baggage". The less baggage you have the clearer your mind will be to face the day. And when you wake up in the morning with a clear mind you are in the perfect situation to welcome the day with a smile and know that it's a great day to be alive.
However, you don't need to have a happy wife to be happy yourself. Happiness comes from within.
Everyone makes a decision each morning to be in a particular mood for the day. It seems odd to some of my friends, but you will often hear me say "It's a great day to be alive." - especially when it's cold and dreary outside, like it has been in Calgary this week. It's particularly on those days that we need to remind oursleves that it is great day to be alive. It's certainly better than the alternative!
Every morning when we get up we make a decision how much we will enjoy the day. I try to live every day as though it were my last, which means I enjoy it, and I have a lot of laughs. I'd hate to die and not have laughed on my last day. I also try to help others live their days in the same way, but that's not necessarily in my complete control.
But really it's about making that decision every day to be positive, and look at the challenges life deals us as a positive influence. Some of the greatest "disasters" in my life have been the greatest learning experiences. And actually I'm thankful for those experiences because it's those experiences that made me grow into the person I am today. Sometimes it's difficult to be thankful at the time, but with the help of a few positive thoughts and asking yourself the right questions it can be done.
When something seems like it's going wrong ask yourself...
- What is good about this?
- What can I learn from this?
- What else is good about this?
- What is funny about this?
- What else is good about his?
Really think about these questions and search for the answers if they aren't immediately apparent. And when all else fails, to help put life in perspective ask yourself...
- In ten years time, will this really matter?
I live my life by the motto that "it'll be alright". At the start of my marriage, my wife would get very annoyed when I would respond "it'll be alright" if she came to me with a concern or complaint. She would retort, "it isn't alright!"
I would then answer, "Ever since I've been alive it has always been alright, and if I die, then I won't be here, so it'll still be alright."
Now she sees the value in believing everything will be alright. It allows you to move on quickly from a situation and not dwell on it. The greatest damage done is not necessarily at the time of the incident, but in the months or years afterwards, when the regrets, ill-feelings and worries fester. If we spend our lives worrying about the past, we won't have any energy to live the present.
Saying "it'll be alright" and moving on allows you to forgive the moment and not let it build up with other issues that over time become "baggage". The less baggage you have the clearer your mind will be to face the day. And when you wake up in the morning with a clear mind you are in the perfect situation to welcome the day with a smile and know that it's a great day to be alive.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Learning Something New.
Sometimes it's very easy to get inspired, and sometimes it's tough. But this weekend my eleven month old daughter inspired me with her new trick... walking!
She's not quite walking on her own yet, but she's pushing a little "truck" around and started walking on her own.
I watched and guided her around our living room and kitchen and she was so pleased with herself. She's been standing for a while now and props herself up on furniture, but has always resorted to all-fours for transport purposes, because it's still quicker.
But after this watershed moment on Sunday maybe she'll try two feet instead.
It was inspiring because here was someone who was so pleased that she had learned something new, and was so keen to keep practicing her new skill all over the house. She was laughing and screaming with delight, as were her parents who had the joy of witnessing our little ray of sunshine in full flight.
Learning a new skill, or trying something for the first time is likely to get anyone excited and make them feel invigorated. And there's no time like today to try something new, to make us feel young again.
We can learn something from anyone in this world, even my eleven month old daughter!
She's not quite walking on her own yet, but she's pushing a little "truck" around and started walking on her own.
I watched and guided her around our living room and kitchen and she was so pleased with herself. She's been standing for a while now and props herself up on furniture, but has always resorted to all-fours for transport purposes, because it's still quicker.
But after this watershed moment on Sunday maybe she'll try two feet instead.
It was inspiring because here was someone who was so pleased that she had learned something new, and was so keen to keep practicing her new skill all over the house. She was laughing and screaming with delight, as were her parents who had the joy of witnessing our little ray of sunshine in full flight.
Learning a new skill, or trying something for the first time is likely to get anyone excited and make them feel invigorated. And there's no time like today to try something new, to make us feel young again.
We can learn something from anyone in this world, even my eleven month old daughter!
Friday, October 13, 2006
That urge for change...
In talking with a friend of mine yesterday, I realize exactly why I, and so many of my friend are going through this mini-life-crisis around the age of thirty.
In your twenties it's all about getting stuff...
The degree
The job you studied to get
The first house
The new car
The husband or wife and maybe even children.
So by the time you're thirty you have all of this, and you're thinking, "Now what?" Having all of that didn't make you feel like you thought it would. Somehow there's still a yearning for something.
So there becomes an urge for change. The urge to make life more satisfying, more rewarding.
And you find yourself in the position I'm in, and most of my friends are or have been in..."Well, I've been working in this industry for about eight or ten years now, and I've got the job I always hoped for, but it's not enough. I want to work at something else... but what?"
Some of us are lucky to slowly transition into something different through our job, others go it alone starting their own business doing something similar to what they were working at. But for me and many others the puzzling question remains. "What do I really want to do?" And if the job provides no dissatisfaction, it's difficult to leave.
But when the energy is pushing you so hard that you just need to make a change, then what?
That's the time to dig deep, and feel what it is you were called to do here. What is your purpose in this lifetime. How are you going to change the world. Deep down we know what we "should" be doing, but just doing it is the hard part.
I will through this blog, chronicle my efforts to rise from the mire to greatness, and through this, learn how to pull the rest of us out too.
In your twenties it's all about getting stuff...
The degree
The job you studied to get
The first house
The new car
The husband or wife and maybe even children.
So by the time you're thirty you have all of this, and you're thinking, "Now what?" Having all of that didn't make you feel like you thought it would. Somehow there's still a yearning for something.
So there becomes an urge for change. The urge to make life more satisfying, more rewarding.
And you find yourself in the position I'm in, and most of my friends are or have been in..."Well, I've been working in this industry for about eight or ten years now, and I've got the job I always hoped for, but it's not enough. I want to work at something else... but what?"
Some of us are lucky to slowly transition into something different through our job, others go it alone starting their own business doing something similar to what they were working at. But for me and many others the puzzling question remains. "What do I really want to do?" And if the job provides no dissatisfaction, it's difficult to leave.
But when the energy is pushing you so hard that you just need to make a change, then what?
That's the time to dig deep, and feel what it is you were called to do here. What is your purpose in this lifetime. How are you going to change the world. Deep down we know what we "should" be doing, but just doing it is the hard part.
I will through this blog, chronicle my efforts to rise from the mire to greatness, and through this, learn how to pull the rest of us out too.
Seven Essential Qualities of a Friend
I have been asked by a few people to discuss my seven essential qualities for a partner and even for a friend. These seven don't have anything to do with interests, appearance, wealth, sense of humour etc. All of those and similar qualities are important for an initial attraction, and also to have an interesting relationship.
The seven criteria are not in any particular order and are of the same importance. If you find that there are people in your life, who disappoint you or frustrate you, then it's likely they don't fill each and every one of these criteria. By the way, should you feel that I have left something out, please write to me. I'm keen to add to the list if it makes it more complete.
I've been told that I'm a little odd by having a list of criteria to determine whether I want to be friends with someone, but there are a few reasons. Firstly, I don't have time to waste with people who don't appreciate me and treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Secondly, friends are there to enrich our lives, not destroy them. Thirdly, I have an awesome set of friends for whom I would walk over hot coals (metaphorically) and who would do that for me, and I have that because I looked for the right people, and then spent time and energy nurturing the relationships. If I had the wrong people in my life I would have been spending my time nurturing relationships that were never going anywhere.
I determined my criteria because I had a very bad experience with a girl I dated. She was one of theose people, who seemed awesome on the surface, and was everything but, on the inside. It was however, one of the greatest learning experiences I' have had, and I thank her dearly for it.
So here's the list:
1) Honest
Self-explanatory really. If you're not honest, then what would you base the relationship on?
2) Trustworthy
Honesty and trustworthy are different. Someone can be honest, without being trustworthy, although being trustworthy without honesty is difficult. When thinking of what trustworthy is, could you trust them to look after your children, or your most valuable possession? Could you trust them with anything?
When you go into a relationship/marriage, you are going into business with this person too. Everything that is yours is also theirs and vice versa. So if you can't trust them in a "business" sense, can you really trust them to be your spouse?
3) Reliable
On the surface it seems like this is not so important. But who wants a friend who cancels on you last minute; who says they'll be there at 2pm and turns up at 2:30pm leaving you to wait in the cold. What about a friend who says they'll pick up the key on their way to seeing you, and then forgets... everytime. A lack of reliability, which includes punctuality, will become tremendously frustrating after a short time.
4) Selfless
By this I mean, not selfish. Selflessness is ideal, but we're all a little selfish at times. By this critieria I'm referring to a friend who thinks of you, and considers the feelings of others.
These four qualities equal integrity. I broke out integrity into what it means to me, because it's one of those all-encompassing words that leaves too much to the imagination when a clear set of guidelines is required.
5) Self-assured
Self-assured is a positive way of saying 'not insecure'. Again, we all have insecurities, some bigger than others. By this criteria I mean, the friend shouldn't have insecurities that dominate their life. If it does, the insecurity determines exactly how they do everything and it prevents them from being a good friend, because the insecurity will continually get in the way. It will prevent them from being the person they really are.
6) Intelligent
Their intelligence should equal your own. The closer your intelligence to your friend's will give you more in common, and more common interests.
7) Educated
To be educated, doesn't necessarily mean to have bachelor's degrees and PhD's. It means that you have taken time to educate yourself on something of interest in your life. It means that you take an interest in life in general, and you read, or take courses. We tend to define education as coming from an educational institution, but even they admit (via the giving of Honorary Degrees) that there are more ways to earn an education than simply by sitting in lecture theatres and slogging over books.
So that rounds out the seven criteria for a friend or partner. None of these is unattainable, and in fact to have all seven isn't either. All seven are critical for the person to possess... not five out of seven or six out of seven, but all seven. And, I expect 100% in each criteria.
The seven criteria are not in any particular order and are of the same importance. If you find that there are people in your life, who disappoint you or frustrate you, then it's likely they don't fill each and every one of these criteria. By the way, should you feel that I have left something out, please write to me. I'm keen to add to the list if it makes it more complete.
I've been told that I'm a little odd by having a list of criteria to determine whether I want to be friends with someone, but there are a few reasons. Firstly, I don't have time to waste with people who don't appreciate me and treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Secondly, friends are there to enrich our lives, not destroy them. Thirdly, I have an awesome set of friends for whom I would walk over hot coals (metaphorically) and who would do that for me, and I have that because I looked for the right people, and then spent time and energy nurturing the relationships. If I had the wrong people in my life I would have been spending my time nurturing relationships that were never going anywhere.
I determined my criteria because I had a very bad experience with a girl I dated. She was one of theose people, who seemed awesome on the surface, and was everything but, on the inside. It was however, one of the greatest learning experiences I' have had, and I thank her dearly for it.
So here's the list:
1) Honest
Self-explanatory really. If you're not honest, then what would you base the relationship on?
2) Trustworthy
Honesty and trustworthy are different. Someone can be honest, without being trustworthy, although being trustworthy without honesty is difficult. When thinking of what trustworthy is, could you trust them to look after your children, or your most valuable possession? Could you trust them with anything?
When you go into a relationship/marriage, you are going into business with this person too. Everything that is yours is also theirs and vice versa. So if you can't trust them in a "business" sense, can you really trust them to be your spouse?
3) Reliable
On the surface it seems like this is not so important. But who wants a friend who cancels on you last minute; who says they'll be there at 2pm and turns up at 2:30pm leaving you to wait in the cold. What about a friend who says they'll pick up the key on their way to seeing you, and then forgets... everytime. A lack of reliability, which includes punctuality, will become tremendously frustrating after a short time.
4) Selfless
By this I mean, not selfish. Selflessness is ideal, but we're all a little selfish at times. By this critieria I'm referring to a friend who thinks of you, and considers the feelings of others.
These four qualities equal integrity. I broke out integrity into what it means to me, because it's one of those all-encompassing words that leaves too much to the imagination when a clear set of guidelines is required.
5) Self-assured
Self-assured is a positive way of saying 'not insecure'. Again, we all have insecurities, some bigger than others. By this criteria I mean, the friend shouldn't have insecurities that dominate their life. If it does, the insecurity determines exactly how they do everything and it prevents them from being a good friend, because the insecurity will continually get in the way. It will prevent them from being the person they really are.
6) Intelligent
Their intelligence should equal your own. The closer your intelligence to your friend's will give you more in common, and more common interests.
7) Educated
To be educated, doesn't necessarily mean to have bachelor's degrees and PhD's. It means that you have taken time to educate yourself on something of interest in your life. It means that you take an interest in life in general, and you read, or take courses. We tend to define education as coming from an educational institution, but even they admit (via the giving of Honorary Degrees) that there are more ways to earn an education than simply by sitting in lecture theatres and slogging over books.
So that rounds out the seven criteria for a friend or partner. None of these is unattainable, and in fact to have all seven isn't either. All seven are critical for the person to possess... not five out of seven or six out of seven, but all seven. And, I expect 100% in each criteria.
Maybe it seems impossible, or unlikely that you could find people like this, but I find that if I have these criteria in the back of my mind when I meet people I will know whether they are people I want to surround myself with.
As far as a good partner, there are a further three that should be in sync, so that the day-to-day living is fun and friendly. You should have the same or similar views on money, family and religion. These are the most common causes of daily arguments, so if you can agree on these, you shouldn't have too many bad days. I know people who are well suited, except they have different philosphies on spending money. One likes to get her hair cut for $200, and the other saves every penny. He can't see the point of wasting so much money when a $40 cut is probably going to look almost the same, but she earns money to enjoy it, so why not. Why not indeed? It's all a matter of perspective, but having the same perspective is important. And living with someone in harmony is about sharing a similar perspective.
As far as a good partner, there are a further three that should be in sync, so that the day-to-day living is fun and friendly. You should have the same or similar views on money, family and religion. These are the most common causes of daily arguments, so if you can agree on these, you shouldn't have too many bad days. I know people who are well suited, except they have different philosphies on spending money. One likes to get her hair cut for $200, and the other saves every penny. He can't see the point of wasting so much money when a $40 cut is probably going to look almost the same, but she earns money to enjoy it, so why not. Why not indeed? It's all a matter of perspective, but having the same perspective is important. And living with someone in harmony is about sharing a similar perspective.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
A Quiet Night in March
[A Story of Fiction]
7:16pm on a Monday in March
Nick didn’t feel like seeing or speaking to anyone as he leaned against his black leather sofa and turned on his flat-screen television with the remote. Wearing just boxer shorts and a t-shirt, he was ready for bed after a stressful day at work.
He and Aleesa had had problems of late and this had culminated in a ridiculous argument the day before. Nick was now abundantly aware how he should be stacking the dishwasher.
He flicked through the channels and ate the pizza he had picked up on the way home. Half ham and pineapple, half pepperoni and mushroom.
He had just settled on a re-run of Friends when the phone rang. Nick let it ring. The answering machine kicked in, and when it beeped, inviting a message, the caller had already hung up. Oh well, couldn’t have been important then.
The phone rang again. Nick turned and looked at it. Why did people only call when he wanted a quiet night alone. He let the answering machine take the call. Again, no message.
"Hmm." Nick rubbed his chin and felt the stubble emerging. He turned back to the television and bit into another slice of pizza.
The phone rang again. This had to be Aleesa calling. No-one else he knew would try calling him three times in a row and not leave a message.
Nick felt a bit guilty, but damn it, a man needed his peace. She lived a half-hour drive away, so he could just stay in the safety of his home.
Suddenly his mobile phone rang. He picked up his phone from the kitchen counter and looked at the screen. "Aleesa Home." Just as he’d suspected. Aleesa was making the calls, and now she was trying him on his mobile to see where he was. Should I answer it? He dithered with grumpy indecision until the call was answered by his voicemail.
He was still holding the phone in his hand when it rang again. "Aleesa Home." His hand shook a little with nervous anticipation. Why did she keep ringing? Stubbornness prevented him from answering. He could just call her in the morning and make up a story about where he had been. His voicemail took the call again.
He kept looking down at the mobile phone display and scratched his head with anxious anticipation. It wasn’t the first time Nick had been bombarded with calls. He kept looking at the phone but it didn’t ring. Perhaps she had decided to wait until tomorrow. Making a conscious effort to calm himself, Nick put the phone back on the counter and walked back to Friends and his cooling pizza.
As he sat back down the mobile phone rang again. Mesmerised by its ringing he walked over to it. This time the display read "Aleesa Mobile."
"Shit!" Nick grumbled. "She’s coming over!" His heart was racing, and his hands shook. He took a couple of deep breaths and thought of his options: Leave the house… or…err… stop contemplating and just leave the house!
He ran into the bedroom and grabbed his favourite jeans and a tracksuit top from his closet. He was pulling on his jeans as he dialled his friend Jamie’s number.
"Hello." Came the voice at the other end.
"Jamie, it’s Nick."
"G’day mate! Har y’u goin’?" Jamie had the most Australian accent of all Nick’s friends. His was a childhood growing up on a farm.
"Good, what you doing tonight?" Nick could hear his voice racing down the line, as he .
"Nothin’."
"Can I come over?"
"Err… Sure. When do you think you’ll be ‘round?"
"Oh, in about 15 minutes."
"Okay. What’s up?"
"I’ll explain when I get there!"
Nick hung up the phone before Jamie had a could speak. Less than two minutes later Nick was trotting down the stairs to his car, cramming a piece of pepperoni pizza in his mouth.
"Oh shit!" He remembered he hadn’t filled the car with petrol. He’d been driving for three days with the fuel warning light on. "Shit!" He started up the car. The fuel gauge didn’t move. Nick always tried to get as much out of every tank without running out. Jamie lived 10-15 minutes away, and Nick knew he couldn’t get there and back on the remaining fumes.
He drove to the service station two blocks away, and pulled up to the pump furthest from the road. If Aleesa was coming to his place she would drive past here, so he had to hurry.
Nick’s heart pounded a violent rhythm. He kept one eye on the road, one on the pump. Like a criminal on the run, he crouched a little behind his car, so as not to be visible from the road, while appearing casual and avoiding suspicion from the attendant. Then the stupidity of the situation hit him - he was being chased out of his own home by his girlfriend!
Just as he straightened up, laughing at his ridiculous predicament, he saw a flash of yellow speeding down the street and his stomach lurched. Aleesa’s Hyundai.
He sucked in the chilled air.
"Jesus Christ!" He slunk lower as Aleesa shot past, her eyes fixed on the road ahead.
He exhaled. Without thinking, he pulled the pump out of the car, petrol still flowing. He sprayed unleaded on the side of his car before his hand caught up with his racing brain.
Nick ran in, paid for the gas and was back in his car in seconds. What if he saw he wasn't around and drove back home? She might see him on the way to Jamie’s.
He pulled into a dark side street and waited anxiously. He listened to his heart thud thud in the dark. No yellow car shot by. She must be waiting at his place.
Nick shook his head. What the fuck’s wrong with her? He could feel his cheeks warm with anger. It’s a bloody Monday night! Normal people are tired on Monday nights! How did I get myself into this? What am I doing?
He opened the window and breathed in the fresh cool air. It was unseasonally cool for April in Adelaide, but that suited Nick -he wasn’t much of a "beach bum". Hesitantly he started his journey Jamie’s place, deciding side roads would be the safest route. When his mobile rang it cut the silence with a digital shrillness. Keep it together, man. Looking down he saw "Jamie Home" flash on his phone and he breathed a sigh of relief.
"Jamie, what’s up?"
"I thought you could bring over those sweet-tipped cigars and we could have a smoke."
"Sorry I can’t. I’ve already left."
"Can’t you go back and get ‘em?"
"No. I’ll explain when I get there."
"Oh- "
"I’ll see you in ten minutes." He cut him off.
Nick drove down the road and took a left when he reached a T-junction. Then a right, the road curved right, left onto a road with speed bumps, another right. Nick rolled his car to a stop sign and looked left and right. Which way now? Craning his neck, he read, "Jeffrey and... McKenzie streets," out loud, hoping it would trigger a grid position in his mind. It didn’t, but his street directory indicated he was lost deep in suburbia. "Should've gone right there, not left!" he nodded as his finger traced his route.
Suddenly there was a honking horn and headlights flashing high beam behind him. He jumped with surprise. "Fuck! Aleesa!" He squinted as he peered into his rear-view mirror, examining the shape of the headlights. It wasn’t a Hyundai. He exhaled, relieved.
Nick’s foot stabbed at the accelerator and the car lurched forward. He decided to risk the major roads, knowing he had a high chance of seeing Aleesa if she was driving back home. Furtively glancing right, then left, then right again, he swung out into the road, wincing at the bright streetlights. He had to contain himself from speeding to Jamie’s apartment.
"What took you so long?" Jamie opened the door still wearing his crisp white work shirt and navy suit pants.
"I got lost in the back streets getting here. C’mon let’s go."
"Where?" Jamie was carrying a basket of freshly washed, but not dried, laundry.
"To the beach."
"Err." Jamie looked at his wet clothes. "Can I hang these up first?"
"No. We’ve got to get out of here."
"What the…?"
"We’ll take my car, so if Aleesa comes by here you’re not implicated."
Jamie threw his arms in the air and looked at his oldest friend incredulously.
"Just get in the car."
Nick swiftly headed for the car with Jamie following, head shaking. "He’s lost his fuckin’ mind!"
Taking off with a jump of the clutch and a squeal of rubber, Nick manoeuvered side streets to the beachside neighbourhood in Adelaide.
"Where’d y’ wanna go?" Jamie asked as they paced towards a café on Jetty Road.
"How about The Chocolate Box?" His stomach growled at the thought of a sugary treat.
"Sounds good. What’s goin’ on? I think you owe me, as I’ll probably have mouldy washing."
"I don’t know…" Nick glanced around as they walked into the warm smell of espresso. No Aleesa.
"Whaddya mean ‘I don’t know’? You chased me out of my home on a Monday night. This had better be good."
"Aleesa was calling me and I didn’t want to speak to her or see her so I left the house in a hurry. I thought that if I went to my parents or grandad’s she’d find me there, and I didn’t want to sleep in the car all night so I called you first."
"Oh God! Aleesa! When are you goin’ to dump that bitch?"
"I can’t."
"Whaddya mean ‘I can’t’? Just tell her ‘you’re dumped’ and it’s over."
"It’s not that easy." Nick was shifting his weight from side to side anxiously.
They ordered their coffees and slices of rich triple chocolate gateaux and found seats outside on the patio, Nick’s eyes darting about to see if he had been followed.
"Nick, what’s with the shifty eyes?"
"I can’t see her. I don’t know. It’s so stressful with her. We argue all the time. She’s storming out on me and threatening me, and whenever I get upset she turns on the waterworks and I’m powerless."
Jamie pursed his lips together.
"I’ve run out of patience with her." Nick looked again over his shoulder and saw a couple holding hands.
"So dump her."
"I know." Nick’s head dropped as he absently spooned at the froth topping his coffee. "I can’t. I don’t know. I just don’t have the energy."
"Energy to say ‘you’re gone’?!" Jamie pursed his lips again and glared at his best friend.
"Yeah yeah. I know I have to. I’m just worried what will happen when we do break up. She’ll go berserk." Again Nick took a nervous look around.
"What could she do?" Jamie sipped his coffee.
"She could throw stones at my windows, smash up my car…" Nick’s voice trailed away.
"Do you really think she’d do that?" Jamie had seen some weird stuff from Aleesa, but his voice indicated he thought Nick was going too far now.
"I wouldn’t put it past her." Nick sipped his own coffee. "She’s thrown stuff at me before."
"What stuff?"
"Hard stuff. Stuff that would hurt if she could aim straight. She grabs the first thing she sees. She’s even thrown her dildo at me!"
Jamie’s eyes rolled at the thought of a 9-inch rubber penis flying towards his friend and recalled another throwing incident. He paused and lowered the tone of his voice, "As a friend I need to tell you something."
"Okay." Nick nodded.
"You know the guys don’t won’t see you anymore if she’s with you. You’re great fun, but the way she carries on, it just ruins it for everyone. That’s why we haven’t invited you to come with us for Easter."
"Really?" Nick was suddenly conscious of spending less time with his mates.
"That time we were all out for Robbo’s birthday-" Jamie’s blue eyes pierced Nick’s.
Nick nodded, knowing where the story was headed.
"And she threw wine on you. That was fucked! It ruined the night for all of us. She was gettin’ all insecure and even though you wore the wine, we felt it too. Sometimes she’s great, but she carries on like an idiot far too often. We just wanna have a good time."
Nick nodded again and rubbed his face with both hands.
"You’re just not the same anymore. You’re on edge right now!" Jamie shook his head with disappointment. "Aleesa’s taken the old Nick away. You always had so much energy. You look exhausted."
"I feel exhausted."
"You have to break up with her."
"I know. I will. Just give me time."
"How much time? We’re talking about friendships here... your own health and sanity. We’ve had this conversation before."
"Yeah I know." Nick slouched in his chair.
Nothing was said for a minute as they both digested some cake and coffee.
"Doesn’t she have a key to your place?"
"No." Nick smiled finally. "I took it back two weeks ago. I was sick of her arriving unannounced at ten at night."
"And she didn’t make copies?"
"I’ll know when I get home." Nick imagined his walls being spray-painted, the red paint dribbling down like blood in a B-grade horror film.
"Let’s go ‘n’ play some pinball!"
Nick looked at his watch. It was already almost nine. So much for a quiet night at home. "Okay." Anything to take his mind off Aleesa.
Lou's Video Parlour was almost empty. Two teenage kids were playing a shoot-'em-up game and a couple was on the racing cars. Even the 80s music was playing quietly.
They slapped the little stainless steel balls around their bright neon cage, Nick thinking how much he felt like one of them, bouncing off the walls. After a couple of hours, Jamie was killing him so they took a break and had another caffeine hit. It was almost midnight when they were walking back to the car.
As they pulled into Jamie’s driveway, Nick broke the silence, "It’s late. Aleesa has to be home in bed by now. It is Monday after all." Nick heard the relief in his own voice.
"Yeah, you’re right." Jamie sounded positive.
"Thanks for coming out with me tonight at such short notice."
"No worries mate. Anythin’ for a friend." Jamie jumped out of the car and headed towards his front door.
Driving home, Nick felt exhaustion drag him down. He thought for the first time about how his tiredness affected him physically. He felt his shoulders rounded and slumped, his eyes strained and his head bowed. He remembered his half-eaten pizza at home and the quiet evening that had slipped through his fingers. Nick sighed as he turned the corner.
He almost sensed the yellow flash before he saw it. Suddenly a car turned off the main road and onto the street Nick was on. Aleesa!
Nick crouched over the wheel and increased his speed. He turned left onto the main road and accelerated wildly. He could feel reason leaving him as he glanced repeatedly into the rear-view mirror. He felt like he was being chased by a serial killer in a movie. No. No. No! Yes. Aleesa had seen him and was now in pursuit. The imagined killer was sharpening his rusty hook. His stomach clenched and his balls tightened. She was at least 300 metres behind but was closing quickly. Nick estimated she must have been driving over 100km/h. Her car was lurching rapidly towards him as if it were possessed.
Suddenly he realised he would need to explain why he had ignored her calls. His mobile was on the passenger seat. One hand on the wheel, he switched it off and buried it in the back of the glove box. His second wind had blown in with a fury and he was suddenly wide awake. He was careening through the streets dangerously, but she was still gaining.
He realised the futility of a car chase and slowed down. She came up alongside him, her brakes squealing as she slowed to his speed.
Nick looked over to see a very distressed-looking Aleesa screaming and gesticulating at him through the window. He didn’t want her to come home with him, and thought dealing with it on the side of the road would be better.
There was no way out. He pulled over. Aleesa stopped her car behind his and burst out. "Why were you driving so fast? Didn’t you see my car?"
"No, I’m sorry. I was focused on the road." The first white lie for the night had left Nick’s lips.
"Where have you been all night?!" She was shaking, on the verge of tears.
"Just out with Jamie." Nick acted as casual as possible, even though his heart was thumping. He shoved his hands into his pockets, "We were hanging out at the beach. We'd organized it a few days ago." The second white lie. And then with feigned anger in his voice, "And what the hell are you doing driving around at midnight on a Monday?"
"I’ve been trying to call you all night!" A single tear began its slow journey down her left cheek and Nick’s heart melted. He had no defence against a woman’s tears and Aleesa knew it. "You weren’t home so I rang your mobile and you didn’t answer that."
"Yeah. I don’t know. I must have left it at work by accident." The third white lie. Since Nick had started dating Aleesa he had become a master of telling the "white lie". He’d had to, for his own sanity.
"Well…" Aleesa was now visibly quite upset. "I just wanted to talk with you." Her voice was choking on the words. "After I called you, and you didn’t answer I drove to your place and waited in the driveway for an hour and a half. I fell asleep in the car. Then you weren’t home at nine, so I drove to your parents and grandparents place to see if your car was there. But you weren’t so I thought you’d be with Jamie. So I called directory assistance for information and they gave me his phone number and address."
"You got his address?" Nick didn’t think they were supposed to give that out.
"I asked nicely." She smiled through her tears. Nick knew Aleesa had the knack of getting more out of people than they wanted to give. "So I rang Jamie and he wasn’t there."
"Well he was out with me." Nick couldn’t believe the lengths she had gone to find him.
"So then I drove to Glenelg and around the city looking for your car. Finally I decided to go to Jamie’s place and see if maybe he had come home and knew something."
"Wow."
"When I rang you and there was no answer I panicked. I just wanted to talk to you."
Nick moved towards her and gave her a hug. He loved Aleesa, and even though she caused him so much heartache, he thought she was good person. "It wasn’t her fault," he would reason.
"Aleesa I’m tired. It’s midnight on a Monday and I don’t have the energy to argue. I want to go home." He looked at her face, now wet with tears. "You can come home with me if you like." He felt broken, his resolve gone. She had weakened him… again.
Arriving home soon after, Nick trudged up to his front door with Aleesa chattering excitedly behind him. She was pulling at his clothes the minute the door closed and they fell into bed like always. The sex with Aleesa was always great, but Nick couldn’t help but feel that this time his heart really wasn’t in it.
As they drifted off, Nick let his mind wander back to the start of his evening and wished for a simpler life.
[A Story of Fiction]
7:16pm on a Monday in March
Nick didn’t feel like seeing or speaking to anyone as he leaned against his black leather sofa and turned on his flat-screen television with the remote. Wearing just boxer shorts and a t-shirt, he was ready for bed after a stressful day at work.
He and Aleesa had had problems of late and this had culminated in a ridiculous argument the day before. Nick was now abundantly aware how he should be stacking the dishwasher.
He flicked through the channels and ate the pizza he had picked up on the way home. Half ham and pineapple, half pepperoni and mushroom.
He had just settled on a re-run of Friends when the phone rang. Nick let it ring. The answering machine kicked in, and when it beeped, inviting a message, the caller had already hung up. Oh well, couldn’t have been important then.
The phone rang again. Nick turned and looked at it. Why did people only call when he wanted a quiet night alone. He let the answering machine take the call. Again, no message.
"Hmm." Nick rubbed his chin and felt the stubble emerging. He turned back to the television and bit into another slice of pizza.
The phone rang again. This had to be Aleesa calling. No-one else he knew would try calling him three times in a row and not leave a message.
Nick felt a bit guilty, but damn it, a man needed his peace. She lived a half-hour drive away, so he could just stay in the safety of his home.
Suddenly his mobile phone rang. He picked up his phone from the kitchen counter and looked at the screen. "Aleesa Home." Just as he’d suspected. Aleesa was making the calls, and now she was trying him on his mobile to see where he was. Should I answer it? He dithered with grumpy indecision until the call was answered by his voicemail.
He was still holding the phone in his hand when it rang again. "Aleesa Home." His hand shook a little with nervous anticipation. Why did she keep ringing? Stubbornness prevented him from answering. He could just call her in the morning and make up a story about where he had been. His voicemail took the call again.
He kept looking down at the mobile phone display and scratched his head with anxious anticipation. It wasn’t the first time Nick had been bombarded with calls. He kept looking at the phone but it didn’t ring. Perhaps she had decided to wait until tomorrow. Making a conscious effort to calm himself, Nick put the phone back on the counter and walked back to Friends and his cooling pizza.
As he sat back down the mobile phone rang again. Mesmerised by its ringing he walked over to it. This time the display read "Aleesa Mobile."
"Shit!" Nick grumbled. "She’s coming over!" His heart was racing, and his hands shook. He took a couple of deep breaths and thought of his options: Leave the house… or…err… stop contemplating and just leave the house!
He ran into the bedroom and grabbed his favourite jeans and a tracksuit top from his closet. He was pulling on his jeans as he dialled his friend Jamie’s number.
"Hello." Came the voice at the other end.
"Jamie, it’s Nick."
"G’day mate! Har y’u goin’?" Jamie had the most Australian accent of all Nick’s friends. His was a childhood growing up on a farm.
"Good, what you doing tonight?" Nick could hear his voice racing down the line, as he .
"Nothin’."
"Can I come over?"
"Err… Sure. When do you think you’ll be ‘round?"
"Oh, in about 15 minutes."
"Okay. What’s up?"
"I’ll explain when I get there!"
Nick hung up the phone before Jamie had a could speak. Less than two minutes later Nick was trotting down the stairs to his car, cramming a piece of pepperoni pizza in his mouth.
"Oh shit!" He remembered he hadn’t filled the car with petrol. He’d been driving for three days with the fuel warning light on. "Shit!" He started up the car. The fuel gauge didn’t move. Nick always tried to get as much out of every tank without running out. Jamie lived 10-15 minutes away, and Nick knew he couldn’t get there and back on the remaining fumes.
He drove to the service station two blocks away, and pulled up to the pump furthest from the road. If Aleesa was coming to his place she would drive past here, so he had to hurry.
Nick’s heart pounded a violent rhythm. He kept one eye on the road, one on the pump. Like a criminal on the run, he crouched a little behind his car, so as not to be visible from the road, while appearing casual and avoiding suspicion from the attendant. Then the stupidity of the situation hit him - he was being chased out of his own home by his girlfriend!
Just as he straightened up, laughing at his ridiculous predicament, he saw a flash of yellow speeding down the street and his stomach lurched. Aleesa’s Hyundai.
He sucked in the chilled air.
"Jesus Christ!" He slunk lower as Aleesa shot past, her eyes fixed on the road ahead.
He exhaled. Without thinking, he pulled the pump out of the car, petrol still flowing. He sprayed unleaded on the side of his car before his hand caught up with his racing brain.
Nick ran in, paid for the gas and was back in his car in seconds. What if he saw he wasn't around and drove back home? She might see him on the way to Jamie’s.
He pulled into a dark side street and waited anxiously. He listened to his heart thud thud in the dark. No yellow car shot by. She must be waiting at his place.
Nick shook his head. What the fuck’s wrong with her? He could feel his cheeks warm with anger. It’s a bloody Monday night! Normal people are tired on Monday nights! How did I get myself into this? What am I doing?
He opened the window and breathed in the fresh cool air. It was unseasonally cool for April in Adelaide, but that suited Nick -he wasn’t much of a "beach bum". Hesitantly he started his journey Jamie’s place, deciding side roads would be the safest route. When his mobile rang it cut the silence with a digital shrillness. Keep it together, man. Looking down he saw "Jamie Home" flash on his phone and he breathed a sigh of relief.
"Jamie, what’s up?"
"I thought you could bring over those sweet-tipped cigars and we could have a smoke."
"Sorry I can’t. I’ve already left."
"Can’t you go back and get ‘em?"
"No. I’ll explain when I get there."
"Oh- "
"I’ll see you in ten minutes." He cut him off.
Nick drove down the road and took a left when he reached a T-junction. Then a right, the road curved right, left onto a road with speed bumps, another right. Nick rolled his car to a stop sign and looked left and right. Which way now? Craning his neck, he read, "Jeffrey and... McKenzie streets," out loud, hoping it would trigger a grid position in his mind. It didn’t, but his street directory indicated he was lost deep in suburbia. "Should've gone right there, not left!" he nodded as his finger traced his route.
Suddenly there was a honking horn and headlights flashing high beam behind him. He jumped with surprise. "Fuck! Aleesa!" He squinted as he peered into his rear-view mirror, examining the shape of the headlights. It wasn’t a Hyundai. He exhaled, relieved.
Nick’s foot stabbed at the accelerator and the car lurched forward. He decided to risk the major roads, knowing he had a high chance of seeing Aleesa if she was driving back home. Furtively glancing right, then left, then right again, he swung out into the road, wincing at the bright streetlights. He had to contain himself from speeding to Jamie’s apartment.
"What took you so long?" Jamie opened the door still wearing his crisp white work shirt and navy suit pants.
"I got lost in the back streets getting here. C’mon let’s go."
"Where?" Jamie was carrying a basket of freshly washed, but not dried, laundry.
"To the beach."
"Err." Jamie looked at his wet clothes. "Can I hang these up first?"
"No. We’ve got to get out of here."
"What the…?"
"We’ll take my car, so if Aleesa comes by here you’re not implicated."
Jamie threw his arms in the air and looked at his oldest friend incredulously.
"Just get in the car."
Nick swiftly headed for the car with Jamie following, head shaking. "He’s lost his fuckin’ mind!"
Taking off with a jump of the clutch and a squeal of rubber, Nick manoeuvered side streets to the beachside neighbourhood in Adelaide.
"Where’d y’ wanna go?" Jamie asked as they paced towards a café on Jetty Road.
"How about The Chocolate Box?" His stomach growled at the thought of a sugary treat.
"Sounds good. What’s goin’ on? I think you owe me, as I’ll probably have mouldy washing."
"I don’t know…" Nick glanced around as they walked into the warm smell of espresso. No Aleesa.
"Whaddya mean ‘I don’t know’? You chased me out of my home on a Monday night. This had better be good."
"Aleesa was calling me and I didn’t want to speak to her or see her so I left the house in a hurry. I thought that if I went to my parents or grandad’s she’d find me there, and I didn’t want to sleep in the car all night so I called you first."
"Oh God! Aleesa! When are you goin’ to dump that bitch?"
"I can’t."
"Whaddya mean ‘I can’t’? Just tell her ‘you’re dumped’ and it’s over."
"It’s not that easy." Nick was shifting his weight from side to side anxiously.
They ordered their coffees and slices of rich triple chocolate gateaux and found seats outside on the patio, Nick’s eyes darting about to see if he had been followed.
"Nick, what’s with the shifty eyes?"
"I can’t see her. I don’t know. It’s so stressful with her. We argue all the time. She’s storming out on me and threatening me, and whenever I get upset she turns on the waterworks and I’m powerless."
Jamie pursed his lips together.
"I’ve run out of patience with her." Nick looked again over his shoulder and saw a couple holding hands.
"So dump her."
"I know." Nick’s head dropped as he absently spooned at the froth topping his coffee. "I can’t. I don’t know. I just don’t have the energy."
"Energy to say ‘you’re gone’?!" Jamie pursed his lips again and glared at his best friend.
"Yeah yeah. I know I have to. I’m just worried what will happen when we do break up. She’ll go berserk." Again Nick took a nervous look around.
"What could she do?" Jamie sipped his coffee.
"She could throw stones at my windows, smash up my car…" Nick’s voice trailed away.
"Do you really think she’d do that?" Jamie had seen some weird stuff from Aleesa, but his voice indicated he thought Nick was going too far now.
"I wouldn’t put it past her." Nick sipped his own coffee. "She’s thrown stuff at me before."
"What stuff?"
"Hard stuff. Stuff that would hurt if she could aim straight. She grabs the first thing she sees. She’s even thrown her dildo at me!"
Jamie’s eyes rolled at the thought of a 9-inch rubber penis flying towards his friend and recalled another throwing incident. He paused and lowered the tone of his voice, "As a friend I need to tell you something."
"Okay." Nick nodded.
"You know the guys don’t won’t see you anymore if she’s with you. You’re great fun, but the way she carries on, it just ruins it for everyone. That’s why we haven’t invited you to come with us for Easter."
"Really?" Nick was suddenly conscious of spending less time with his mates.
"That time we were all out for Robbo’s birthday-" Jamie’s blue eyes pierced Nick’s.
Nick nodded, knowing where the story was headed.
"And she threw wine on you. That was fucked! It ruined the night for all of us. She was gettin’ all insecure and even though you wore the wine, we felt it too. Sometimes she’s great, but she carries on like an idiot far too often. We just wanna have a good time."
Nick nodded again and rubbed his face with both hands.
"You’re just not the same anymore. You’re on edge right now!" Jamie shook his head with disappointment. "Aleesa’s taken the old Nick away. You always had so much energy. You look exhausted."
"I feel exhausted."
"You have to break up with her."
"I know. I will. Just give me time."
"How much time? We’re talking about friendships here... your own health and sanity. We’ve had this conversation before."
"Yeah I know." Nick slouched in his chair.
Nothing was said for a minute as they both digested some cake and coffee.
"Doesn’t she have a key to your place?"
"No." Nick smiled finally. "I took it back two weeks ago. I was sick of her arriving unannounced at ten at night."
"And she didn’t make copies?"
"I’ll know when I get home." Nick imagined his walls being spray-painted, the red paint dribbling down like blood in a B-grade horror film.
"Let’s go ‘n’ play some pinball!"
Nick looked at his watch. It was already almost nine. So much for a quiet night at home. "Okay." Anything to take his mind off Aleesa.
Lou's Video Parlour was almost empty. Two teenage kids were playing a shoot-'em-up game and a couple was on the racing cars. Even the 80s music was playing quietly.
They slapped the little stainless steel balls around their bright neon cage, Nick thinking how much he felt like one of them, bouncing off the walls. After a couple of hours, Jamie was killing him so they took a break and had another caffeine hit. It was almost midnight when they were walking back to the car.
As they pulled into Jamie’s driveway, Nick broke the silence, "It’s late. Aleesa has to be home in bed by now. It is Monday after all." Nick heard the relief in his own voice.
"Yeah, you’re right." Jamie sounded positive.
"Thanks for coming out with me tonight at such short notice."
"No worries mate. Anythin’ for a friend." Jamie jumped out of the car and headed towards his front door.
Driving home, Nick felt exhaustion drag him down. He thought for the first time about how his tiredness affected him physically. He felt his shoulders rounded and slumped, his eyes strained and his head bowed. He remembered his half-eaten pizza at home and the quiet evening that had slipped through his fingers. Nick sighed as he turned the corner.
He almost sensed the yellow flash before he saw it. Suddenly a car turned off the main road and onto the street Nick was on. Aleesa!
Nick crouched over the wheel and increased his speed. He turned left onto the main road and accelerated wildly. He could feel reason leaving him as he glanced repeatedly into the rear-view mirror. He felt like he was being chased by a serial killer in a movie. No. No. No! Yes. Aleesa had seen him and was now in pursuit. The imagined killer was sharpening his rusty hook. His stomach clenched and his balls tightened. She was at least 300 metres behind but was closing quickly. Nick estimated she must have been driving over 100km/h. Her car was lurching rapidly towards him as if it were possessed.
Suddenly he realised he would need to explain why he had ignored her calls. His mobile was on the passenger seat. One hand on the wheel, he switched it off and buried it in the back of the glove box. His second wind had blown in with a fury and he was suddenly wide awake. He was careening through the streets dangerously, but she was still gaining.
He realised the futility of a car chase and slowed down. She came up alongside him, her brakes squealing as she slowed to his speed.
Nick looked over to see a very distressed-looking Aleesa screaming and gesticulating at him through the window. He didn’t want her to come home with him, and thought dealing with it on the side of the road would be better.
There was no way out. He pulled over. Aleesa stopped her car behind his and burst out. "Why were you driving so fast? Didn’t you see my car?"
"No, I’m sorry. I was focused on the road." The first white lie for the night had left Nick’s lips.
"Where have you been all night?!" She was shaking, on the verge of tears.
"Just out with Jamie." Nick acted as casual as possible, even though his heart was thumping. He shoved his hands into his pockets, "We were hanging out at the beach. We'd organized it a few days ago." The second white lie. And then with feigned anger in his voice, "And what the hell are you doing driving around at midnight on a Monday?"
"I’ve been trying to call you all night!" A single tear began its slow journey down her left cheek and Nick’s heart melted. He had no defence against a woman’s tears and Aleesa knew it. "You weren’t home so I rang your mobile and you didn’t answer that."
"Yeah. I don’t know. I must have left it at work by accident." The third white lie. Since Nick had started dating Aleesa he had become a master of telling the "white lie". He’d had to, for his own sanity.
"Well…" Aleesa was now visibly quite upset. "I just wanted to talk with you." Her voice was choking on the words. "After I called you, and you didn’t answer I drove to your place and waited in the driveway for an hour and a half. I fell asleep in the car. Then you weren’t home at nine, so I drove to your parents and grandparents place to see if your car was there. But you weren’t so I thought you’d be with Jamie. So I called directory assistance for information and they gave me his phone number and address."
"You got his address?" Nick didn’t think they were supposed to give that out.
"I asked nicely." She smiled through her tears. Nick knew Aleesa had the knack of getting more out of people than they wanted to give. "So I rang Jamie and he wasn’t there."
"Well he was out with me." Nick couldn’t believe the lengths she had gone to find him.
"So then I drove to Glenelg and around the city looking for your car. Finally I decided to go to Jamie’s place and see if maybe he had come home and knew something."
"Wow."
"When I rang you and there was no answer I panicked. I just wanted to talk to you."
Nick moved towards her and gave her a hug. He loved Aleesa, and even though she caused him so much heartache, he thought she was good person. "It wasn’t her fault," he would reason.
"Aleesa I’m tired. It’s midnight on a Monday and I don’t have the energy to argue. I want to go home." He looked at her face, now wet with tears. "You can come home with me if you like." He felt broken, his resolve gone. She had weakened him… again.
Arriving home soon after, Nick trudged up to his front door with Aleesa chattering excitedly behind him. She was pulling at his clothes the minute the door closed and they fell into bed like always. The sex with Aleesa was always great, but Nick couldn’t help but feel that this time his heart really wasn’t in it.
As they drifted off, Nick let his mind wander back to the start of his evening and wished for a simpler life.
[A Story of Fiction]
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