The Hunter

One "thank you" at a time...

I have been asked how my three new habits program is going. I must say that I went off the rails a little and lost focus of those habits as a program of starting new habits each month.

Unfortunately my experience with the first three habits - sleeping an average 8 hours a day, drinking 1.5L of water at work and keeping a clean desk - was not as lasting as I had hoped. While all were maintained during December and for a little of January, I have drifted away from the discipline. You can see by the photo below what my desk looks like this morning. By the end of the day I promise to clean it up.




What I have been doing instead of adding new habits each month which didn't seem to stick, I'm trying to add a new habit here and there that I can and want to maintain forever.

I decided that I would not eat chocolate for the whole of January and from then on would maintain 23 chocolate free days a month. I achieved the January target and am on target to complete the goal for February.

I also committed to working out at the gym ten times a month. Although I missed my target in January, only working out six times, I am confident I will achieve the goal in February, with ten, and will overachieve in March to make up for the deficiency in January.

With Valentine's Day passing I realized that to show special appreciation for your loved one once or twice (on your anniversary) a year is inadequate. Every day I tell my wife that I love her and that I appreciate what she does for me, but since our daughter was born, I've noticed that we focus less on our life as a couple and more on our lives as parents.

So I decided that if on the monthly anniversary of our wedding day (the 20th of each month) I would treat it like our anniversary, doing something special or giving her a gift. My first was a couple of days ago, and I wrote my wife a nice card and gave her a gift. She was very appreciative and I'm already thinking of what I will do next month.

I've also decided to be more appreciative of people around me and people who have influenced my life. I want to create my own personal attitude of gratitude. So I try to send a card every day, but it works out to be four or five a week, to someone who has been or is important in my life and show them appreciation for how they have made a positive impact. It keeps me thinking about who and what I'm grateful for , and why I'm lucky to have these people in my life.

Hopefully showing the appreciation to others will make them think also about showing appreciation to people in their lives. The more we appreciate in life the better we all feel, and the better we all feel, the nicer this world will be to live in.

One "thank you" at a time.

Morning Sun

"Up."

About a week ago my little sunshine, my daughter, started saying her first word which she understood the meaning of. She's been saying random words here and there, but last week she said something and meant it.

We've been teaching her sign language, and since Christmas she's been actively signing "Please", "Eat", "More", "Drink", "Wash hands", "Bath", "Shoes", "GOOAAL!!" (She raises both hands in the air and smiles) and recently "Telephone". She's combining all these signs together now in two and three-word hybrid sentences, and gets a lot of satisfaction because we're happy she's signing and she's happy she's getting what she wants. We're also more inclined to give her what she wants to encourage her if she asks nicely with a "Please". Mostly when she wants something she points and indicates "please" by rubbing her tummy (baby sign-language). We always repeat the word for what she wants so she'll learn it, and then last week...

She put her arms up to get lifted up and she said "Up". The equal-second-shortest word in the English language was her first! Since then she's followed that up with "hug" and a few other words she's beginning to wrap her tongue around.

It's amazing to see her own satisfaction at learning something new. Obviously we're excited for her as well, which encourages her in her new pursuit of conversation. It's exciting times for all concerned!

The Fear of Change

Why is it that people stay in situations that are unsatisfactory? Why do people remain in abusive relationships? Why do people continue in jobs that are unsatisfying?

The answer is simple... the fear of change. It seems counter-intuitive when you think that if you're in a situation you're not happy with that you would be afraid of changing but that's the reality. "Better The Devil You Know." is one of those catch-phrases that rings in people's minds when they are faced the prospect of the unknown.

In the end what often happens is the person will convince themselves that their situation isn't that bad after all, and they should be thankful for what they have. In my younger years I dated a girl for over four years, and we lived together for three of those. Everyone assumed we would get married. We got a long so well, we had a lot in common, and our relationship had stood the test of time. This is all true, but what I found was that we were too similar. We didn't complement each other. When I was up, so was she. When I was down, so was she. Our relationship was solid. She's the sort of girl I would recommend to any single male. She's an excellent sort to marry, just not for me. When I broke up with her, there was no defining reason. No argument, no infidelity. The relationship was good, but I thought I could do better. I wanted a great relationship. I wanted a relationship that I felt privileged to be half of. Two years later I found the woman of my dreams while I travelled in Europe.

I knew in my heart that the situation I was in wasn't the best for me. I knew that better options would present themselves. This didn't come without some doubt, I might add. There were lonely times when I sat alone in my room wondering whether I had indeed made the right decision. Time proved me right.

Every decision, and indeed every non-decision (a decision to not make a decision) shapes our life path. We can choose to take ownership of our life and make decisions that might improve our quality of life and enjoyment. Or we can sit back and decide to let life slide along, taking random turns for better or worse.

If we think of life like driving in a vehicle. Taking an active role and making clear decisions is like driving with our eyes open and hands firmly planted on the steering wheel. Taking a passive role is like sitting blind-folded in the backseat and not being able to speak with the driver. At the best of times life is a mystery tour. We never really know where we'll end up. But one thing's for sure - the more active a role you take in your life, the more you'll get out of it.

So back to my original statement/question. Why do people not actively seek change when they aren't happy with their situation. The fear of change comes from the fear of loss - that the change will produce a loss of some sort - loss of money, loss of relationship, loss of face.

But really when you look at the situation from an objective point of view and take out the emotions, the worst-case scenario rarely warrants a lack of change from an undesirable situation. The other option is to remain in the current situation for ever, or until it gets so bad you have no choice but to change. Then change comes at a price and well after its due date.

So you can remain in the bad situation indefinitely. You only have everything to lose.

Sunflower

Getting Out of the Fog

In my blog on entitled The Fog, I talked about how goals in my life had been very difficult to set as I didn't know where I was going and what I should be doing. I remember a sort of confusion that I had, existing every day. Life was pretty good, but there was nothing outstanding. And in fact, although parts of my life were very good, the whole life wasn't satisfying.

I think that to live a happy life, everything needs to be going well. Having financial wealth without friends, or being physically attractive and hating your job don't constitute a happy life. It's a given that we must work within a framework that we were born with. So I will never look like Brad Pitt and I will never run like Carl Lewis. But I could look make my body like Arnold Schwarzenegger's and I could become an astronaut or a doctor or a physicist or Prime Minister.

I accept that I will never run 100m in under ten seconds, and I accept that I don't look like Brad Pitt, but even if I could do that or did look like him, it wouldn't make me any happier than I am now.

Becoming someone else or having what someone else has will not make you any happier than you are now. Having what you want and being who you can be is what will make you happy.

When I was in my "fog" I knew that although nothing was badly wrong, I wasn't doing what I should be doing. My home life was good, in that I was happily married. Financially we were okay. I had a house, good equity positions in a couple of rental properties and money in the bank. Yet I knew that my life meant more than that. If I had suddenly earned a 50% pay increase at work, or been given my dream Porsche, or tickets for a six month trip around the world, that all would have been good, but it wouldn't have made my life happier for the long-term.

So in my fog I just plodded along day after day not knowing what I should do next. I have always been one to set goals and I must admit that for a couple of years I didn't set any, mostly because I didn't know what I should set.

As I look back on that today, I see how much the "fog" is lifting from my sights and I see a future beckoning.

In the past couple of weeks there have been a series of events that have changed my outlook and I see a way through to where I want to go. And although very little has changed, the fact that I can see a way forward that I'm happy with, makes me feel happier. I can see that I'm attracting some of the "good stuff" I've been looking for.

What's most interesting about these new opportunities, is that both of them were unexpected generous "gifts" from two different, totally unrelated people. When we look back at events in our life we can see that it takes unexpected situations to arise that change the course we're on.

I may look back on January 2007 as the turning point in my life. A month that will set up my future for the next thirty years. Even if it doesn't turn out to be the month, I know that at least it is the start of a major shift for me, which may take a year or so to develop, but somehow, I know it will happen.

An analogy I heard was that life is like driving at night. We can reach our destination a thousand kilometres away, even though we can only see the next hundred metres, because we only need to see the next hundred metres.

We should rest assured that our life's path is there for us to traverse, but we have to take each step, one at a time.

Worries

I used to be someone who worried about stuff. Whether it was my up-coming exams or a spelling test, a job interview or a date, I worried about the outcome. Even though I realized that worry wouldn't make my situation any better, I continued to worry. I used to get knots in my stomach, I lost my appetite, and I would get anxious.

Then one day I thought, "What is the point of all this worry? It isn't getting me anywhere." So I thought about the problem I had, a test at school, for example and thought, "If I score poorly on this test, will anyone care about it in ten years? Will it change my life forever?" As the answer was "no" to both questions, I realised that there was little point in continuing to stress over that and get on with either learning for the test, or something else that would be productive.

In other situations I looked at worst-case scenarios and calculated the likelihood of that situation actually arising. Generally the chance was minuscule. So I looked at the most-likely bad outcome and decided how bad that would really be... usually not that bad. I realized that even the most-likely bad outcome isn't worth worrying about, and it's also quite likely that a far better outcome will eventuate, so I was able to proceed.

One of the pinnacles of worry in my life, which brought me literally to tears in the street was when I lost my job in London after just one day due to visa issues. After being escorted out of the building at lunchtime without any kind of severance pay, I was on my own. Without a job, and with prospects dim, due to the pending federal election, and it being the end of the financial year, my days in London looked numbered. Where everything had been going along so well, it had suddenly turned to dust.

I remember going back to the room I was renting wondering what I was going to do. I decided that "it's not what happens to you that determines your life, it's how you react to what happens, that makes your life."

Rather than deciding all was lost, I looked at the reality. I calculated how much money I had, and how long it would last. I figured on about six weeks, before I would need to take an emergency job. I looked at the worst case scenario, which was to take a poorly paying bar job until something better came around. Others before me had done it and survived, so I certainly could.

Then, rather than wallowing in my misfortune I set about doing anything and everything I could to make it better. I went on a rampage of calling all employment agencies and companies, applying for anything and everything... until I landed the dream job of Contiki Tour Manager.

Until that time, a worry that I had lived with, and to a degree, still live with is the prospect of being unemployed long-term. Growing up my parents both had secure government jobs and the security of what they had was important to them, and it became important to me. Although I never wanted to work in the public service I did still crave that steady pay cheque.

So leaving Australia for England, without any work set up for me was outside my comfort zone, but at least I was prepared for it. Losing my job unexpectedly like I did, threw me right in at the deep end. When faced with a sink or swim outcome, I decided that a few deep and calming breaths together with some logic would keep me above the waterline. I took on the challenge rather than let it consume me, and I came out stronger at the other end.

We worry in our lives because we think about what hasn't happened and what probably will never happen, but we also worry because we think that circumstances haven't turned out the way they were meant to. But since we don't know how it's all supposed to turn out, we can't know whether what's happened is good or bad for us in the long run.

Losing that job seemed like the most terrible thing, but it was an unbelievable blessing because it had me applying for jobs I never would have applied for and sent me on an amazing adventure that I continue to live.

People often talk about "blessings in disguise" and a lot of what happens in our lives is like that. If we are to live a life that is inspired, we have to allow ourselves to go with the flow, not worry about the outcomes and realize that just because we don't think something is turning out for the best, doesn't mean it's not the "blessing in disguise."

Ask a person in their eighties about how their life turned out, compared with how they might have imagined it when they were twenty. For all the Europeans, who fled their homeland during World War II, and settled on another continent, the path their lives took would be unimaginable as a young adult in the 1930s.

Life takes it turns, and after every "disaster" or "catastrophe" a new life path emerges. A path full of new and different opportunities, and certainly a life worth living.

Brown Nude

Who are John Mather, George Smoot, Roger Kornberg...

Who are John Mather, George Smoot, Roger Kornberg, Andrew Fire, Craig Mello, Orhan Pamuk, Muhammad Yunus, Grameen Bank, Edmund Phelps? Anyone?

No idea? Not even who one of those people might be? Really? Well, I had no clue either, sadly.

This is the list of 2006 Nobel Prize winners... pretty significant people, when you think that the list includes the likes of Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Mikhail Gorbachev and Rudyard Kipling to name a few of the historic ones the average person has heard of. These people are doing something positive for the world, and yet there are many whose names on the long list of prize recipients are merely names.

What about Dr. Charles Nicolle (1866-1936) a French bacteriologist who earned the 1928 Nobel Prize in Medicine for his identification of lice as the transmitter of epidemic typhus?

Then there's Cordell Hull (1871-1955), the longest-serving U.S. Secretary of State in the Administration of President Franklin D. Roosevelt. Hull received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1945 for his role in establishing the United Nations, and was referred to by President Roosevelt as the "Father of the UN".

And what about the youngest ever Nobel Prize winner Sir William Lawrence Bragg (1890-1971), born in my hometown Adelaide, and attended University of Adelaide? He shared the 1915 Nobel Prize in Physics with his father for his work on the analysis of crystal structure by means of x-rays.

Amazing, yet unknown people. And I am amazed, actually, that I had never heard of William Bragg, given that he is from Adelaide.

So let me rattle off another list ... Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, David Beckham, Kevin Costner, Beyonce Knowles, Nicole Ritchie, Pamela Anderson, Anna Nicole Smith, Ludacris. I bet almost everyone in the western world knows who these people are, probably know who they're married to, and any previous lovers, not to mention why they are in the news right now. Admittedly these people have talent too, sometimes it's questionable, but still, they're humans like the rest of us. What's sad is that as a race we focus on these people, who really are just average people with average problems that are very public.

The people who make the headlines are the ones who seem to be ones we should be ignoring. The ones who don't make the headlines are the ones who seem to be making a difference.

Some of the people who have made big positive impacts in many people's lives like Dale Carnegie and Anthony Robbins learned by reading the biographies of successful people... like Ghandi, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr, Mother Teresa to mention a few. These are people who inspired others to greatness and led by example.

Leading by example is the hardest thing of all, especially with a lack of public figures who do lead by example. It seems the ones who do live quiet lives, and few know of their existence.

We owe it to ourselves to learn about the great people of history. Learn from their triumphs and failures. Learn that there is far more opportunity that awaits us, if only we were to scratch the surface. As a population we spend so much time focused on the miserable lives of celebrities and the neglect we have for our own lives means that they end up mirroring the sadness celebrities face.

Take on this day as though it could be your last. Follow in the steps of greatness and move life forward. You'll never look back!