Overwhelmed!

We were having dinner with some friends and the comment came from one of them that they were "stressed out". Now there's nothing peculiar about being stressed out, but looking at their life, it's actaully quite similar to our own, yet we aren't stressed out about ours.

So it made me think about why they are and we aren't. what are we doing differently. And there was really only one thing... we finish something or become finished with something and move on.

They will complete tasks 80% and leave them, so in the end there are many many incomplete tasks that piule up and become overwhelming. And not only is the task incomplete, but the object that is a part of that task sits around incomplete and with little use.

So in the end they have a situations where they are surrounded by useless things that are a part of a project that is incomplete and they can't derive any pleasure from. Do this for a few years and suddenly you have an overwhelming amount of "stuff" and the problem becomes insurmountable.

Therefore the need to break it all down into smaller tasks that can be completed in an hour, or a few hours, or a weekend. Whatever it is, focus on a small part of the total issue and get it solved, then move on to the next.

My wife and I purge every few months. We find that the change of the season is an appropriate time because that's when you need to make decisions about clothes, like is it worth hanging on to them for anotehr year or is it time to consign or donate them. So it's at these regular occasions as well as other times throughout the year that we will go through stuff, evaluate whether we need it and usually we'll eliminate 10 to 20%.

This comes back to my experience travelling in Europe. I had no fixed address for around 18 months, and could pack up everything I had with a few hours notice. It was a very freeing time becasue I realized then, that everything I need I already have, and everything I own is more to carry. Which comes back to my blog from yesterday which refers to everything I see having no meaning.

We all fill our lives with meaningless clutter (both physical and mental) and attach meaning to it. Some deal with the clutter better than others, which basically means that some people can discard the clutter easier than others. Today being December 29th is a perfect day to set some goals, look at life and decide which clutter can be discarded and by starting with baby steps anything can be accomplished.

This table does not mean anything...

Over the past few months I have been reading a number of books on spirituality, getting the most from life etc. One text that was often quoted in these books is A Course In Miracles. So I thought, after reading about this book so many times I ought to see what it's all about. I've borrowed it from the library, and realized quickly, it's not the sort of book one reads in a few evenings. In fact there's a section which has a lesson for every day of the year. It will be a book I will purchase and read over an extended period of time.
For more information, please visit- http://www.fipdata.org/index.html

Anyway, I was reading a few of the lessons and I was thinking about the first lesson, which is printed in full below, essentially, "nothing I see means anything".

Since I read it over a week ago it has resonated with me, and I began to think about this world, and how we have attached meaning to things. The world of marketing is about attching value to brands, labels, material goods, experiences... anything that can be sold for a profit. And as a race, we all buy into it. Whether or not we do buy Nike or BMW or McDonald's we have all become victims of marketing. Indeed those who decide to go against the flow and boycott certain brands for whatever reasons create their own sub-culture, which in fact is a culture of its own, with its own "membership criteria and status".

So, no matter what we own, if we see that ownership of it adds something to ourselves we have ascribed some value to it, and have fallen into the marketers trap. That's why this lesson is so interesting. When you say out loud that nothing you see has any meaning, it seems logical, yet it goes against our own subconscious thoughts about it. It goes against what we perceive to be true.

We live in a world of perception - the world of time, of change, of beginnings and endings. It is based on interpretation, not on facts. It is the world of birth and death, founded on the belief in scarcity, loss, separation, and death. It is learned rather than given, selective in its perceptual emphases, unstable in its functioning, and inaccurate in its interpretations.

A Course in Miracles says "Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God."

LESSON 1

Nothing I see in this room [on this street, from this window, in this place] means anything.

Now look slowly around you, and practice applying this idea very specifically to whatever you see:

This table does not mean anything.
This chair does not mean anything.
This hand does not mean anything.
This foot does not mean anything.
This foot does not mean anything.
This pen does not mean anything.

Then look farther away from your immediate area, and apply the idea to a wider range:

That door does not mean anything.
This body does not mean anything.
This lamp does not mean anything.
This sign does not mean anything.
This shadow does not mean anything.

Notice that these statements are not arranged in any order, and make no allowance for differences in the kinds of things to which they are applied. That is the purpose of the exercise. The statement should merely be applied to anything you see. As you practice the idea for the day, use it totally indiscriminately. Do not attempt to apply it to everything you see, for these exercises should not become ritualistic. Only be sure that nothing you see is specifically excluded. One thing is like another as far as the application of the idea is concerned.

Each of the first three lessons should not be done more than twice a day each, preferably morning and evening. Nor should they be attempted for more than a minute or so, unless that entails a sense of hurry. A comfortable sense of leisure is essential.

Values

I've been thinking over the past few days as we've approached Christmas about the value of money, and the value we have decided to place on certain goods and services.

For example we've decided that an old car like this classic...

1980 BUICK LE SABRE LIMITED, an excellent classic car, ready for restoration or daily use, 4 door, beige exterior, 350 4 BBL engine, automatic transmission, air conditioning, am/fm, cassette, cruise control, intermittent wipers, power brakes, power door locks, power mirrors, power seat, power steering, power windows, rear wheel drive, tilt steering, 235,000 kms.

...is only $1,500 o.b.o.!!

I took this directly off www.trader.ca

We have determined that this 1980 classic has the same value as this two piece lounge suite, currently on sale at The Brick in Calgary for $1699 plus GST, children not included.

So how did we come up with this value? Indeed who determined that a can of Coca-Cola has the same value as a basic calculator with a solar panel?

Why is a woollen sweater worth the same as a meal cooked for you by someone?

And it always amazes me how cheap goods like mousetraps are. For whatever they cost... thirty... forty... ninety cents each there are many people making money - the retailer, the freight company, the manufacturing company, and the worker who put it all together, not to mention the companies who supplied the raw materials!

Then on the other hand, you go out for a nice meal and have a beer or a glass of wine, and suddenly the bill for two people is $100. One hundred dollars to feed two people once, seems extravagant when you compare that to what a mousetrap builder earns.

Looking at a different extreme, how can an average school teacher earn sixty times less than the average major league baseballer? I'm not going to go on a communist rant about everyone getting paid equally. Hell, if someone wants to pay a steriod junkie $3 million to play catch, all the power to them.

It seems as though there's an apparent inequality in the way the world is paid for services, but it's obvious that if you want to get paid more, you work in a field that is televised or sponsored by corporations, since mass media advertising pays the big bills.

Yes, when our children, and indeed many adults worship attractive women with dysfunctional relationships, or young men with excellent hand-eye co-ordination and a long criminal record, you know that we've got our heads screwed on straight!

Yup. Sometimes I think that it's a funny world we live in.

Christmas Time

It's Christmas time and every year the consumerism that is Christmas makes me more and more sick. Everywhere you turn there are more commercials for buying presents, justifying hundreds of dollars to be spent on "your loved one". And this comes from someone who works in marketing!

Since when did Christmas become about spending inordinate amounts of money on gifts? Ever since retailers could make a profit I guess. But really this phenomena has only sprouted in the age of mass media. And we've lost sight of the real point of Christmas.

You can argue that the point of Christmas from a retailer's point of view is to maximize profit, and that is a valid argument. I used to work in marketing for a large retailer in Australia, and the profitability of a store for its whole year is determined by how successful a Christmas campaign they have. Sad isn't it?

This year my wife and I agreed to a $20 limit on the gift we would give each other. We have friends who are astounded when they hear that, wondering what's wrong with us. How can we keep the marriage together without expensive gifts? Where's our Christmas spirit?

Well for twenty dollars you need to be creative. You need to think and consider carefully to get the right gift. It's the thought that counts. It's not a matter of going through the store flyers and circling requests. What's the point in that? Why not go and get that yourself? Why wait for Christmas?

Christmas is a time to be with family. A time for giving and sharing. A time for kindness and love. It doesn't just have to be about spending money.

I'm getting exhibited!

One of my new habits for January will be to make at least one effort a day to get my art either exhibited or sold. But today I got that off to a flying start by getting my art exhibited at the Oolong Tea House in Kensington for the month of January!

This is the third time I've been exhibited. The first was at the Artpoint Gallery in Inglewood, the second at Higher Ground Cafe in Kensington.

No regrets...

I am a firm believer in no regrets, and that there are no such things as mistakes, only undesired outcomes to situations, which become learning experiences. Often we learn more from our mistakes than we do from our successes. I rememeber a television commercial from Nike, where Michael Jordan talks about how many times he failed. The monologue in the ad goes like this...

I've missed over 9000 shots in my career.
I've lost almost 300 games.
26 times I've been trusted with the game-winning shot... and missed.
I've failed over and over and over again in my life.
And that is why I succeed.

Life can be a struggle sometimes, and there are many times where things don't seem to go our way. Those are precisely the times when we need to take a step back and look at what is happening and find the lesson. I find these times the most enlightening, and right now I feel a little frustrated that everything is just a little too easy. There's nothing that is jolting me out of my comfort zone that I am not quite happy to be in. That's why I started the three new habits for the month, which I've kept up with... and I'll have three new habits for next month, all designed to propel me forward.

However, when I look back on some of the more significant choices in my life they came out of situations that did not necessarily require such radical decisions. I however took the opportunity to take a bigger chance and what turned out to be a more rewarding path that I could have. And I know that on my life's journey there have been times when I wondered whether I had made the right decision.

In 2000 I left Australia with AU$12,000 savings bound for the U.K. with a two-year working holiday visa. After a few weeks I found getting a job not quite as easy as I had expected and I was unhappy with the room I was renting from a very weird landlady, who kept making unscheduled appearances to move the furniture around. I was feeling low, and I remember sitting on my own in Starbucks. Surrounded by 16 million people in London, I knew none of them, which made it an even lonelier place than being isolated on a desert island. Then suddenly the phone rang and I had a job interview. I started the following week. A month later I had moved to a new place and life was on the up and up. I was making friends and had a social calendar, albeit a meagre one. Moving to London was the right decision after all.

When my three-month job contract ran out, I had another job lined up as European Marketing Manager of an international media company. Could it get much better?

After two days I lost the job, because of my visa restrictions.

So I immediately called all the hiring agencies that had been so impressed with my credentials. "Sorry, there are no contracts right now. It's the end of the fiscal year and there's a federal election in two months."

Could it get much worse?

My AU$12,000 which bought me a little under 3,000 pounds had dwindled, and with rent and utilities totalling 500 pounds per month, plus food, travel and other miscellaneous expenses, I had about two months before the funds would dry up.

For two weeks I rang and re-rang all the employment agencies, making calls every day, and I waited for the phone to call me back. It didn't.

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. - Thomas A. Edison, US inventor (1847 - 1931)

So that's when I made the decision. I decided I would apply for any job, that might look like fun... to work on a cruise ship, as a tour manager on African safaris, a tour manager on European coach tours... anything that would be an experience of a lifetime.

I kept calling the employment agencies and looked to different ones which hired for non-marketing roles.

Then the phone rang! I had an interview with Contiki for the Tour Manager position taking tours around western Europe.

At the same time I went for an interview for a position as National Franchise Manager for a chain of Aussie style pubs in the U.K.

Suddenly I was offered both positions. The National Franchise Manager role came with a car, a laptop, great pay and perks, and the best opportunity to spread my wings in the U.K. The Tour Manager position was an experience that came with no frills.

The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity. - Helen Rowland (1876 - 1950)

The safe bet was the marketing job. But I figured that this was my first and last chance to be a tour manager of western Europe, and if I wanted the marketing role in a few years time then I could work at that later.

I worked as a Tour Manager for almost six months and it was the best time of my life. I made many friends and saw many sights, but the most enduring reminder from that time is my wife, whom I met while working with Contiki. I've ended up living the last four and a half years in Canada on a path determined by my decision to change the course my life was taking and step into the unknown.

"Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes." - Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

If you don't take a chance to make something happen in life, maybe it never will. Make small change, or a large one. In general we fail to try because we are afraid of the outcome and doubt ourselves.

The ups and downs are part of the journey that is our life. You cannot live your life's calling if you never act on the opportunities presented to you.

Julius

Autumn Rain

Live Each Day Like It's Your Last

It's funny you know, it doesn't matter what I read the theme is always the same. Complete happiness come from living in the now... staying in the present.

Most of us spend our whole lives living in the future or the past. We're either so focused on future goals and events, that we wait for life to be over... waiting for the weekend, or the next holiday, the next job.

Conversely if we spend our lives dwelling on the past, on missed opportunities, regretting life situations or our "cruel fate" that led us to our current situation, we have no hope of enjoying what we have.

Life is about the journey, not arriving at the destination.

When I was at the gym on Sunday I looked around at the other people working out. Mostly on a Sunday evening, it's the dedicated gym-goers, the very regulars. I had seen most of them many times before, and judging by the outstanding physiques (which I wish I had) they spend a lot of their time at the gym.

Now I'm not going to say that exercise is a bad thing, because it isn't, but it's obvious that the people I observed took exercise way past what is required for good health. Ignoring the fact that many of the guys were injecting or consuming something to make their muscles disproportionately large, these people were obsessed with their fitness and physique.

And I wondered... how many of those people with awesome bodies are happy with the way they look? How many of them want to shed a few more pounds of fat and gain a few more pounds of muscle? Looking at the amount of sweat being produced, I'd say most of them.

Which brings me to an interesting question. If any of them suddenly had a nasty accident and had a major disfigurement to one of their prominent and well-shaped body parts, how devasted would they be? Would they suddenly look back on what they used to have and appreciate it more? Would they wish for the disfigurement to be returned to what it was, and happily live in their 'old' body? Yes?

So why can't they live happily with what they already have?

Make the commitment to live each day like it's your last. Laugh, be happy and be in the present.

Worthy of Receiving

Christmas is only just around the corner and we've been conditioned since childhood to expect stuff. We get ourselves into a panic to buy presents for our friends and loved ones, and put in our requests for what we want.

Sometimes we get what we want, sometimes we don't.

But whether or not we get the newest toy we're looking for, that pales into comparison for what we really want.

"What do we really want?" You ask.

Isn't that obvious? We all want happiness in whatever package that comes. Whether it's a husband or wife, or a successful pregnancy, or fulfillment at work it doesn't really matter. We're looking for that elusive something that will make us happy.

Have you noticed that somehow it seems we usually don't get what will make us happy?

For all the gifts we receive, they feel like a band-aid over the cancer in our soul that keeps us unsatisfied. We can search outside of ourselves for ever to find something that will make us happy, but it never will.

The first step to receiving what it is we really want is to allow ourselves to accept it. That sounds simple but people will toil their whole lives searching for something... searching for meaning, all the while not realizing that all they had to was stop looking in places it will never be and just start accepting it in their lives.

What do I mean by this?

Allow yourself to be happy with what you have and who you are, and you're well on your way. Certainly, there may be circumstances in life that are less than pleasing, and there's no reason to be content with them. Take action to change a situation that doesn't work for you, but allow yourself to be emotionally detached from outcomes.

Know that true happiness, true strength and true love all exist within us everyday, and only we can take it away from ourselves by choosing to ignore it.

The more you see greatness in yourself, the more you'll receive.

So don't be concerned about whether you receive what you want for Christmas, you already have everything you could ever need.

We affect others

Today I received an email from a friend of mine in Australia, someone I did catch up with on my recent trip. It was flattering because she commented how she thinks of me often and doesn't miss me as much because she is reminded of me often as she sees my personality or traits in other people.

I only tend to think of people in my immediate vicinity as the ones I affect, but with these words, an occasional phone conversation, a Christmas card or whatever it is, there are positive messages that get passed on and stick with people.

The email showed me that we affect other people's lives even when we don't think about it. In this instance I was positively affecting my friend's life, but it's possible that we affect others in a negative way, without even knowing it, sometimes for many many years.

We all have a responsibility to our friends, family and neighbours to be kind and loving towards them. I read somewhere that we should treat everyone as though they are hurting, because the reality is that 95% of them are in some way.

Immaculee Ilibagiza - An Inspirational Person

The other day I was watching the television, and Wayne Dyer was on talking to a live audience on the theme of Inspiration. He was talking about some of the people who inspire him, and one of them was Immaculee Ilibigiza.

Immaculee Ilibagiza grew up in a country she loved, surrounded by a family she cherished. But in 1994 her idyllic world was ripped apart as Rwanda descended into a bloody genocide. Immaculee's family was brutally murdered during a killing spree that lasted three months and claimed the lives of nearly a million Rwandans. Incredibly, Immaculee survived the slaughter. For 91 days, she and seven other women huddled silently together in the local pastor's cramped bathroom, measuring three feet by four feet, while hundreds of machete-wielding killers hunted for them. The triumphant story of this remarkable young woman's journey through the darkness of genocide will inspire anyone whose life has been touched by fear, suffering, and loss. 'Left To Tell' is Immaculee's first book.

Wayne Dyer brought Immaculee up on stage and she spoke for a few minutes about her ordeal, and how she learned that it's important to forgive in spite of horrific actions like those in the Rwandan Holocaust. This isn't a book I have read, but after I'm finished with my current book it will be next.

What I also thought about was the fact that this lady inspired an inspirational man in Wayne Dyer, and it made me re-think about how I should begin living my life to be an inspiration to others. If I could inspire those who inspire others, then I'm really beginning to spread some good in the world.

It's always about taking small steps, and I'm taking those. Somewhere along the line I will take a big step, maybe that will be today... maybe tomorrow.

A Great Book - Divine Guidance

I'm always reading books these days, which is very funny if you could listen to me talk up to the age of about 25. I used to hate reading. In fact I chose my university degree and my subjects in high school based on the amount of reading required - less was better. As a result I studied a lot of subject that had numbers - Maths, Chemistry, Physics, Economics etc.

It's only been in the last few years that I've learned to appreciate the value of reading. I don't often get to story books, and mostly I read something non-fiction. Occasionally I'll pick up a story book... for myself of course, I don't just read Dr Seuss to my daughter!

I'm currently reading 'Divine Guidance', by Doreen Virtue, the second book of hers that I've read.

This book is a very helpful book for those looking to learn more about tapping into intuition and psychic information. It's actually the best book I've read on the topic and I would highly recommend it.

From the publisher:
In this text Dr Virtue explains how people are equally gifted in the ability and potential to communicate with God and angels. Through meditation, simple lifestyle changes, and understanding how to phrase questions, people can learn to break down the communication barriers, and learn how to listen.

Divine Guidance tells you how to have a dialogue with God and your guardian angels. Her central tenet is that everyone has the ability to talk with God and the angels; everyone has the ability to solve their problems with the help of these Divine powers. If you have financial problems, this book will tell you how to get out of jeopardy. If you're in a bad relationship, this book will guide you to something better. If a loved one has just passed away, this book will help you through those trying times. All of your most intimate questions can be answered by knowing who to ask and how to phrase the questions. Find the simplest, most effective, and life-affirming advice around-read Divine Guidance

A New Way of Thinking.

I'm tracking well with my three new habits. I've slept 23 hours in three nights, but that's over the weekend. I'm drinking the water, and my desk is tidy.

What I've noticed is how my thoughts have changed. Things that were "I ought to's" have now become conscious thoughts. I've never planned my sleep before, but I was thinking that with some Christmas parties coming up, I need to get some extra hours in to make sure I reach my quota. It's a totally new way of thinking.

And I feel a lot better now that I'm drinking more water, and come in to start the work day with a clean desk. You'll certainly hear more about this.

I just read a quote from Wayne Dyer that sums up my observations of what happens when you begin to change:

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

The Kiss

So far so good!

It's noon on December 1st. I got 7.5 hours sleep last night, (but that doesn't count towards the habit, although my body notices), I'm half way through my 1.5L of water and my desk is a mess.

So far so good!

Three habits for December

I'm committing to three new habits for every day in December...

1. Drink 1.5L of water at work every day
2. Tidy my desk at work every day before I leave for home
3. Sleep at least 56 hours per week

Each of these I'm in dire need of enacting. I drank about 150ml of water today, my desk is a pigsty, and I don't need my wife to hound me that I'm not getting enough sleep.

We'll see how I go!

Savour the Journey

A couple of weeks ago I had a dream that has really stuck in my mind, and it's importance was brought back to me on monday at my meditation group. In our group R. made the comment that he wishes sometimes that he could fast-forward his life a year and get to where he'll be in a happier place.

I responded, "But what if you only live for one year and three days? You'll only have three days left, and you would have missed the year."

"I guess I'll make the most of those three days." He said.

I find myself often looking forward and wishing for the future to happen now. Many of us find it difficult to simply enjoy what we have now and always hope for better or look forward to something that's around the corner.

This is where my dream comes in. I dreamt that I was fifty years old looking back on the last twenty years of life. I wasn't 31 imagining I was fifty, I was actually fifty. I looked fifty and felt fifty. I didn't have quite the same energy I do now. It was a very real experience.

I was reflecting on my life and seeing how everything had progressed over the last twenty years. I remember looking back and thinking what an awesome journey my life had been, although I couldn't remember details. I knew that I was glad I had experienced all of it and not missed any of the experiences.

I realized that the journey is far more rewarding than the end. And projecting forward from fifty, I could see that the journey had no end. In fact the journey is all we really have, and we should savour it.

New Habits

It's very easy to live the same way every day and have very little or nothing change. I try to not live my life that way. I was once told that as soon as you stop changing you become old. It's true for anything, and is expecially evident on products (like clothing) that cannot change themselves and become out of date... old. But not just old. Old and undesireable.

A couple of weeks ago my wife gave me an article to read in a magazine, and I can't remember what the article was about, but it was written by a sociologist or something - someone who studies the patterns of human behaviour. It takes 30 days to form a habit, so he decided a while ago that every month he'll start three new habits that he has to maintain for the month, after which he can decide to keep them or discard them.

What this does is force him to consciously do new things, and keeps himself from getting into ruts. It means that when change becomes necessary he is already in the habit of change, so it's not a concern.

I decided it was a pretty good idea, so I'm going to embark on three new habits each month, as a lifestyle choice.

I haven't finalized what they will be but, ideas so far...

• Eat 2 pieces of fruit each day
• No chocolates unless I've never had them before
• Drink 1.5L of water at work every day
• Read for 30 minutes every day
• Write a card to someone every day
• Compliment someone other than my wife every day (I already compliment her often)
• Do 50 push-ups before breakfast
• Sleep at least 56 hours per week
• Tidy my desk at work every day before I leave for home
• Learn a new word every day

These are all ideas, and by December 1st, I'll know what I'm going to do. Changing your life is all about small steps of progress. And mostly what it is, is getting in the habit of change.

Living Every Minute

Having now returned from Australia, the primary reason for making the trip at the time we did was to see my grandfather for the last time, and for him to meet our daughter. I say "last time" with some sureness because he is in the final stages of surviving lung cancer. Now eighty-six and a half (you start counting half-years again when you hit eighty!) my grandfather is proud to say that he outlived Pope John Paul II.

When I left Australia for a new life in 2000 as a single 25-year-old I thought that maybe that was the last time I would see my grandparents. Shortly afterward my grandfather was diagnosed with a slow-moving lung cancer, courtesy of 25 years of smoking 60 cigarettes a day - a habit he quit in his mid fifties.

After a few rounds of radiotherapy and an operation to remove the cancer, which took half of one lung he continued to battle on. Two years ago I returned to Australia with my wife and I was absolutely sure that that would be the last time we'd see each other.

Wrong again. In February, 2006, when the doctor gave him six to twelve months to live I didn't have a trip to Australia planned, and I wasn't sure I would get to Australia in time to see him. But I made my mind up to go and he waited on Earth for us.

What I found most amazing was how good he looked for someone heavily affected with poor health. Indeed other than his terrible cough that takes his breath away, and the fact that a three quick steps around a table has him catching his breath, he was in good shape. The cancer had caused him to lose about fifteen or twenty pounds and he was now fitting into his old suits.

And he loved his youngest great-granddaughter. I think he fell in love all over again. And our one-year-old daughter was more than happy to spend time with him.

But what was most interesting to see was how he was making the most of every single minute of life. During the day he cares for his wife, now visibly affected by Alzheimers, and when she goes to bed at 9 o'clock every night my Grandfather stays up reading and learning. It was like he was studying for an exam that loomed. Time was running out and knowledge had to gained. He just bought himself his first digital camera a week before we arrived, and he was reading each and every word of the manual to learn how it works. You would ask yourself, what's the point at this stage, he only has a few months to live?

Indeed, what's the point then at any age?

It was very special to see how he valued every single extra minute of life, and he made sure he was putting it to good use. Time is something many of us take for granted when we're not told our funeral could be held on a date on this year's calendar.

If you're not putting your time to good use then you're just killing time until death... waiting for the Grim Reaper to raise his scythe.

Both my grandparents came with us and my parents to Melbourne, a place they hadn't visited for many years, and while we were there my grandfather was talking about going to Darwin, at the northern coast of Australia on the historic Ghan train. All from a man who is living well into his twilight years.

I have learned many lessons from my grandfather, but this one he didn't even know he was teaching me...

Every minute of life is a gift. It should be treated as such.

Never too old to find your purpose...

When Harland was six, his father died and his mother was forced to go to work. He had to take care of his three-year-old brother and baby sister. This meant doing much of the family cooking, giving him the opportunity to become a master of a number of different dishes.

At age 10, he got his first job working on a nearby farm for $2 a month. When he was 12, his mother remarried and he left his home near Henryville, Indiana, for a job on a farm in Greenwood. He held a series of jobs over the next few years, first as a 15-year-old streetcar conductor in New Albany, and then as a 16-year-old private, soldiering for six months in Cuba.

After that he was a railroad fireman, studied law by correspondence, practiced in justice of the peace courts, sold insurance, operated an Ohio River steamboat ferry, sold tires, and operated service stations.

When he was 40, Harland began cooking for hungry travellers who stopped at his service station in Corbin, Kentucky. It wasn’t a restaurant, but he served people on his own dining table in the living quarters of his service station.

As more people started coming just for food, he moved across the street to a motel and restaurant that seated 142 people. Over the next nine years, he perfected his cooking technique and chicken recipe with a blend of herbs and spices.

In the early 1950s a new interstate highway was planned to bypass the town of Corbin. Seeing an end to his business, Harland, now in his sixties, sold his operations. After paying his bills, he was reduced to living on his $105 Social Security cheques. And at his age, he was not expecting to work again.

Knowing he couldn't live on his pension, he took his chicken recipe in hand, got behind the wheel of his clunker, and set out to make his fortune.

His first plan was to sell his chicken recipe to restaurant owners, who would in turn give him a residual for every piece of chicken they sold--5 cents per chicken. The first restaurateur he called on turned him down.

So did the second. So did the third. In fact, the first 1008 sales calls Colonel Sanders made ended in rejection. Still, he continued to call on owners as he traveled across the USA, sleeping in his car to save money. Prospect number 1009 gave him his first "yes."

After two years of making daily sales calls he had signed up a total of five restaurants. Still Harland pressed on, knowing that he had a great chicken recipe and that someday the idea would catch on.

The idea did catch on. Harland, better known as Colonel Harland Sanders or Colonel Sanders had, by 1963, 600 restaurants across the United States selling his secret recipe of Kentucky Fried Chicken (with 11 herbs and spices). Colonel Sanders franchise actually helped many people succeed in the restaurant business.

In 1964 he sold his interest in the U.S. company for $2 million to a group of investors including John Brown Jr., who later became Governor of Kentucky. The Colonel remained a public spokesman for the company. In 1976, an independent survey ranked the Colonel as the world's second most recognisable celebrity. Colonel Sanders' story teaches an important lesson: It's never too late to decide to never give up.

Earlier in his life the Colonel was involved in other business ventures that weren’t successful, but at the age of 65, however, he decided his chicken idea was the right idea, and he refused to give up, even in spite of repeated rejection.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Luke 11:9)

We can all take direction from our intuition. If we get an urge to try something new then we should act on that urge. Don't dismiss it just becasue it doesn't fell like it's your purpose, it may be the doorway to the future.

If you feel that you have a purpose beyond what you are doing now (as I do), then honour that feeling, and let yourself be guided by your heart. Your soul knows your purpose and the nudges you get from time to time are the whispers from your guides to keep your soul's path on track.

It isn't that we are looking for our purpose, it's that our purpose is calling for us. All we need to do is listen and respond.

Preconceived Ideas About Work

I'm in Australia right now, and I've had some interesting conversations with people I don't get the opportunity to chat with often... and the great part about that is I get new views on life, and I can learn from the experiences of others.

In this case I've learned how preconceived ideas or notions that we have and live by affect our lives in more ways than we know. For example if I told you that Calgary has the best weather in the world and you never travelled or knew any different then that's what you would know as a truth. You would never have reason to believe otherwise and would have no desire to travel to warmer places during winter or the like. Simply because it would get any better anyway. With different knowledge, behaviour is different, hence the popularity of all-inclusive holidays to Mexico, Cuba etc.

Now this is an obviously ridiculous example because with technology and information it's very difficult to convince someone of something like that. However it is very oikely that people get preconceived notions as to what constitues work and whether it can be enjoyable.

I heard the argument that there was no point to working after retirement because that was the point of retirement - to not work. But what exactly is work? We tend to think of work as something we don't want to do. A mundane nine-to-five job or working for minimum wage. Something to pay the bills so that we can take holidays away from work.

So what is its definition?

work –noun

1. Exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil.
2. Something on which exertion or labor is expended; a task or undertaking: The students finished their work in class.
3. Productive or operative activity.
4. Employment, as in some form of industry, esp. as a means of earning one's livelihood: to look for work.
5. One's place of employment: Don't phone him at work.
6. Materials, things, etc., on which one is working or is to work.
7. The result of exertion, labor, or activity; a deed or performance.
8. A product of exertion, labor, or activity: musical works.

No where in this extensive definition was there a mention of an activity that wasn't enjoyable. It's only our personal associations with that word that give it a negative connotation.

chore –noun

1. A small or odd job; routine task.
2. Chores, the everyday work around a house or farm.
3. A hard or unpleasant task: Solving the problem was quite a chore.

It is only in the definition of chore that we have unpleasntness, although it was not the primary meaning.

What's interesting is that if you speak to someone who loves what they do for a living then they don't consider it to be unpleasant, although it still constitutes "work". The unfortunate thing is that most people don't enjoy their work, so by association, work is negative.

Where this causes a problem is if you are retired from work and still want to do something meaningful with your life. It may be classified as "work" and therefore fall into the unenjoyable category, and that was the point of retiring in the first place. Meaningful work can be for no earned income or can be for income and it doesn't matter if it only earns a fraction of your previous earnings, so long as it makes you happy.

The fact is that "work" is a four-letter word that has a simple meaning. If that meaning is a negative one and it prevents you from moving toward a life of fulfillment then change the word so that it allows you to think freely on the matter. It's the same with anything in life.

Maybe these words work better (pardon the pun)

• Activity
• Calling
• Endeavour
• Profession
• Pursuit
• Specialisation
• Vocation

And with all of these new words, there can be fun, enjoyment and fulfillment included and whether or not they earn money may be irrelevant, it's about your life choices.

Abstract Landscape

EYE'M Watching

Vienna

The Spider Princess

Vienna's second Halloween.

56 Hours Later!

We finally arrived in Australia and what was supposed to be a very good set of connections turned into a disaster!

We left our home in Calgary at 3pm for a 6pm flight departure. The drive to the airport was smooth, and we had no traffic problems. Our flight from Calgary to San Frnasisco left on time and all was well. We arrived in San Francisco on time and it was all looking good. We transfered to the international terminal and waited patiently at Gate G94.

Flight UA863 was ready to leave on time at 10:53pm and we boarded. Up up and away. We're on our way to Sydney, a 14 hour non-stop flight.

Everything was running perfectly... or so we thought.

After about 90 minutes of flying the Captain comes makes an announcement. "We are having mechanical problems and we will have to turn back to San Francisco. We can't get fuel from one of our tanks and won't have enough to make it through to Sydney."

That was it, we were turning back. It felt like we never even gave it a s second chance. At least if he had spoken to us 15 minutes earlier and said thye were having difficulties, stay tuned, and then broken the news to us it might have felt like we at least everything.

So we arrive back in San Fransisco, just long enough after departure to see the conclusion of one of the worst movies ever financed "Poseidon" about a sinking cruise ship.

We were told to wait for a Ground Service Supervisor to board t5he plane and tell us what was happening. We were thinking we'd have an hour or so delay, fix the valve problem, re-fuel and take off. Err... No.

"Your flight has been rescheduled for 11pm tomorrow night."

I'm sorry, could you repeat that please?

"Unfortunately there is a big conference here in San Fransicsco and all the hotel rooms are booked, but we will do the best we can for you."

Great. so now I have to think about sleeping in an airport all night with a one year old! This is not what I signed up for.

"You will not have access to your bags. They will be held secure in the plabne, and put on your next flight tomorrow."

Even better!

We found ourselves a quiet corner of the airport and snuggled with our daughter Vienna between us. We were most worried that she would wake up in the middle of the night and go crawling in the biggest "living room" she'd ever seen.

Lucky for us she didn't and at around 4am we were asked if we wanted to go to the United Airways guest lounge Red Carpet to sleep where it would be more comfortable. We pulled out some seat cushion and made a bed and fell asleep.

At 5am we were told we weren't allowed to be lying down on the floor as the lounge was opening to members who didn't want the place to look like the Houston Astrodome the day after Katrina hit.

So we sat in the chairs and fell asleep again.

At around 8am we decided to return to the airport and get our food vouchers we were promised. Nearly an hour in the line and we received our $70 food vouchers redeemable at any vendor in the airport.

We decided against leaving the airport to walk around downtown San Fransisco because with Vienna it would have been difficult to organize her naps and playtime outside of the stroller. We thought it might be easier for us to nap at the airport and for her to play on the vast carpet living room that presented her.

So we napped and walked and read and played and napped and wandered around and at and napped. You get the idea it was a great way to start our trip! As time wore on I was smelling more and more like old hockey equipment.

As the brutally long day at the airport was coming to a clsoe we reconvened with our fellow travellers to take flight again at 10:50pm, exactly one day after we were supposed to. Our Qantas connecting flight to Adelaide had also been rescheduled to the corresponding flight the following day, so all was in order.

We all boarded, happy to know that it was a different plane. We were starting afresh, with renewed hope and were prepared to forget the bad day we had had, because we were on our way to Australia.

We all boarded on time and the plane gently pulled out of the gate. Slowly, slowly we reverse out and then start moving towards the runway.

We stop and wait our turn to take off. We wait, and wait. We keep waiting. Hmmm. Why aren't we moving?

It's now 12:35am. "This is your Captain speaking." I can hear by his tone that he's not about to tell us we've reached ourt cruising altitude and we'll be arriving in Sydney as expected. I also know he's not going to tell us that because we're still on the ground. "I have bad news. We're having mechanical problems with this plane. We can't get engine number four started. But we'll taxi back to the gate and have an engineer look at at, and we'll be on our way."

Engine four doesn't start!? Geez I hope they don't just "get it going". It'd better work for 14 hours until we arrive!

"This is your captain again. There's another plane here in the airport. We'll get that fuelled and switch over to the new plane and depart from Gate 96. We'll be departing at 1:35am"

So we all get out and walk over to the neighbouring gate ready to board. It's just after 1am and they start to call pasengers in seating row order on to the plane. Some time passes and they're still doing first and business classes.

Then a voice comes over the PA system, "If the plane isn't boarded and the doors are closed by 1:35 the flight is cancelled."

Suddenly we had Pamplona and the running of the bulls at Gate 96, with everyone charging onto the plane. And everyone was in crisis mode. There was no food or supplies, and they were all getting loaded on at the same time as the cranky passengers.

1:37am and the doors close. We made it!

Some time after 2am and the plane flies into the night sky. Would this be the one? Could we really make it to Australia this time?

Australia felt like such a long way away, that it could take two aborted missions and a 24 hour delay to get us there, but all the signs were now good.

We landed in Sydney 14 hours later to rapturous applause, 27 hours after we were supposed to... and 25 minutes after our Adelaide flight had departed.

Eventually we boarded our Qantas flight that had also been delayed by twenty minutes and landed in Adelaide almost exactly 56 hours after we left our home in Calgary, of which I slept about four hours.

Our daughter, who turned one year old today was a little trooper the whole time. She barely made a peep and was generally in good spirits laughing and joking with other passengers. She was also very tired and napped for an hour every three or four hours. she had one long stretch of four hours sleep on the 14 hour flight. All in all Vienna amazed us with her patience and good nature... but we hope she doesn't have to go through that again for a very long time.

Living Your True Calling

Living your true calling is something that is quite difficult I realize, especially when you're not aware what your true calling is.

I know a few people who are in the stage of their life where they are not happy doing what they're doing, but have no idea what they should be doing instead. Last week I worked out one thing for sure. If you're not happy what you're doing now, then make some big changes, do some things you've never done before and get some balls rolling. Hopefully one of those balls will become the ball.

One thing I did a while ago was change my frame of mind. For a while I was only looking at the negative side of my life, where I really have a very positive life. It was only a matter of looking at the negative circumstances and asking what's good about them. This change of attitude started about eight to twelve months ago.

So I also decided that I should start pursuing some of the spiritual goals I had in the back of my mind that had never had any time put behind them.

I signed up for a tarot card class, and an evening meditation with spirit guides. Things started to happen from there, and suddenly I'm putting together a meditation group that meets every week and I'm calling a few people I haven't spoken to for a long time.

And then things start to change. I decide to drop my weekly ten-pin bowling in favour of weekly meditation, and as you've read in this blog, my third (psychic) eye is opening.

Now, in addition to what I've been doing, I've also been reading and reading. I refer back to my blog entry from August 21st, a full two months ago, when my spirit guide told me what I needed to know, although at the time it didn't make complete sense.

"I am Michael. Your spirit guide."
"What should I do?" I asked, hoping for clarity.
"Make phone calls."
"Phone calls? What phone calls? "What else? What else should I be doing."
"Paint like there's no tomorrow."
"That makes sense at least. And what about my writing?"
"You should write after you've painted."
"Hmmm... And what about Tarot cards?"
"Keep working with them."
"Okay. What about meditiation?"
"Meditation is good for you."
"Oh, and what about my job? What should I do about that?"
"Your job will take care of itself."
"What does that mean?"
"Use this time. You will know when the time comes to change."
"It will be clear?"
"Yes."

I believe it is now clear. I've told a couple of people my idea and received some very positive feedback, and some good ideas to tweak it. Although it will not financially sustain me (in fact the idea is one that is designed to lose money - but that's okay, because it helps people), and actually may never sustain me, I believe that one day it will because I believe this may also be my true calling. And if you follow your true calling, the Universe will provide for you.

Inspiring Others

Ever since Thanksgiving when I gave hamburgers to some homeless people I've been thinking about how I can inspire people who will in turn inspire others, on sort of a "pay it forward" philosophy. If you haven't seen the movie "Pay It Forward" I highly recommend it.

While helping out some homeless people was enriching to a point, it didn't move me like I hoped it would. I think that's essentially because the effort I made with them stopped with them. A few people I've told about my experience have also been inspired in a small way, but not to the point that I feel it was an awesome experience.

And I'm looking for nothing less than awesome.

So I have an idea to help people who can in turn help others, and pay it forward. By inspiring 50 people directly, maybe I can inspire 50,000 indirectly, and I believe that over time this can gain momentum and get more people involved and affect millions.

At this stage I won't divulge the plan. I will wait until I have the ball rolling a little. This whole thing only came together as an idea yesterday, after being inspired by the Wayne Dyer book I've been reading.

I feel excited by this and I know it's the right thing. It's the first time in a long time that I've really been excited by something, and that in itself is awesome. I will write a book about the experiences I will have on this journey, which in turn will inspire others. It's a journey that will take me at least a year, but every moment will be precious.

Precious moments make a rich life.

Why I don't Watch Television

There's not much on television these days that is uplifting. You only have to flick on the six o'clock news to see disaster after tragedy after drama. And the odd thing about it is that we have trained people who scour the world to find depressing, negative news stories. It also seems that reporting the bad news is a glamourous job... noble even... and to die in the "line of duty" is on a level with dying for your country (not that I think that is any nobler!)

In fact the more terrible the tragedy, the bigger the coverage. Three people get killed in a car accident, and there's one or two reporters and the news is only broadcast locally. 50 get killed in a bus accident and it's national news. Make it a school bus, and many countries will pick up the story. When a whole plane goes down, or one of the deceased is even remotely famous (say Dr Phil's brother-in-law) and it's world news.

Then we have the terrorists, the suicide bombers, the threats. It's all about making us live in fear. And what's the good of that? Really, what's the good of watching anything that's angry, violent or depressing? Not much! Of all programs, the news is the worst culprit, and CNN is the king of that hill... or the top of the heap!

Then there's the other programs. My wife likes watching Grey's Anatomy and she's part of a large herd that does. I've seen the program a few times and it's one drama after the next. Every character is tired, angry, frustrated, over-worked and under-appreciated, and though it might be an accurate reflection of how a hospital runs, it's certainly not the show that I would choose to watch if I wanted to feel uplifted and ready to conquer the world. funny then that it's one of the top television shows in Canada!

Most programs won't uplift or inspire, and I guess when the only limited resource we have in this life is time, I don't want to waste a precious moment dragging myself down, when I could be lifting myself and others up.

Before mass media we had ourselves our families and our work. The only news that people knew about was very local and it was passed on through word of mouth. People sent letters and later they read the occasional newspaper, but essentially there were no concerns of global destruction. People just got on with living their simpler lives.

Compare that to today where people can access news and media and advertising at any time of the day wherever they are. And that people choose to have that access is counter-intuitive. It's for that reason, also, that I don't possess a mobile phone. I don't want to be contactable at any time. And since I'm not a doctor or a mechanic, there's little I can do in an emergency situation.

In many ways technology has helped us lead a simpler life, but it also gives us a life with far more worries should we choose them, and by the popularity of television, people choose it. According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than 4 hours of TV each day (or 28 hours/week, or 2 months of nonstop TV-watching per year). In a 65-year life, that person will have spent 9 years glued to the tube! What a waste of life.

Based on those figures, if you looked at what's the single biggest influence in the average person's life, you'd have to say the television. And it's sad to think that people could be most influenced by strangers with little good to tell.

I say, "Switch it off!"

It'll be alright...

My wife always tells me that, "a happy wife is a happy life." I've been married long enough to know it's the truth.

However, you don't need to have a happy wife to be happy yourself. Happiness comes from within.

Everyone makes a decision each morning to be in a particular mood for the day. It seems odd to some of my friends, but you will often hear me say "It's a great day to be alive." - especially when it's cold and dreary outside, like it has been in Calgary this week. It's particularly on those days that we need to remind oursleves that it is great day to be alive. It's certainly better than the alternative!

Every morning when we get up we make a decision how much we will enjoy the day. I try to live every day as though it were my last, which means I enjoy it, and I have a lot of laughs. I'd hate to die and not have laughed on my last day. I also try to help others live their days in the same way, but that's not necessarily in my complete control.

But really it's about making that decision every day to be positive, and look at the challenges life deals us as a positive influence. Some of the greatest "disasters" in my life have been the greatest learning experiences. And actually I'm thankful for those experiences because it's those experiences that made me grow into the person I am today. Sometimes it's difficult to be thankful at the time, but with the help of a few positive thoughts and asking yourself the right questions it can be done.

When something seems like it's going wrong ask yourself...

• What is good about this?
• What can I learn from this?
• What else is good about this?
• What is funny about this?
• What else is good about his?

Really think about these questions and search for the answers if they aren't immediately apparent. And when all else fails, to help put life in perspective ask yourself...

• In ten years time, will this really matter?

Invariably the last question will be answered "no". If the last question returns an undoubted "yes" then the first batch of questions need to be re-asked and seriously re-considered.

I live my life by the motto that "it'll be alright". At the start of my marriage, my wife would get very annoyed when I would respond "it'll be alright" if she came to me with a concern or complaint. She would retort, "it isn't alright!"

I would then answer, "Ever since I've been alive it has always been alright, and if I die, then I won't be here, so it'll still be alright."

Now she sees the value in believing everything will be alright. It allows you to move on quickly from a situation and not dwell on it. The greatest damage done is not necessarily at the time of the incident, but in the months or years afterwards, when the regrets, ill-feelings and worries fester. If we spend our lives worrying about the past, we won't have any energy to live the present.

Saying "it'll be alright" and moving on allows you to forgive the moment and not let it build up with other issues that over time become "baggage". The less baggage you have the clearer your mind will be to face the day. And when you wake up in the morning with a clear mind you are in the perfect situation to welcome the day with a smile and know that it's a great day to be alive.

Learning Something New.

Sometimes it's very easy to get inspired, and sometimes it's tough. But this weekend my eleven month old daughter inspired me with her new trick... walking!

She's not quite walking on her own yet, but she's pushing a little "truck" around and started walking on her own.

I watched and guided her around our living room and kitchen and she was so pleased with herself. She's been standing for a while now and props herself up on furniture, but has always resorted to all-fours for transport purposes, because it's still quicker.

But after this watershed moment on Sunday maybe she'll try two feet instead.

It was inspiring because here was someone who was so pleased that she had learned something new, and was so keen to keep practicing her new skill all over the house. She was laughing and screaming with delight, as were her parents who had the joy of witnessing our little ray of sunshine in full flight.

Learning a new skill, or trying something for the first time is likely to get anyone excited and make them feel invigorated. And there's no time like today to try something new, to make us feel young again.

We can learn something from anyone in this world, even my eleven month old daughter!

That urge for change...

In talking with a friend of mine yesterday, I realize exactly why I, and so many of my friend are going through this mini-life-crisis around the age of thirty.

In your twenties it's all about getting stuff...

The degree
The job you studied to get
The first house
The new car
The husband or wife and maybe even children.

So by the time you're thirty you have all of this, and you're thinking, "Now what?" Having all of that didn't make you feel like you thought it would. Somehow there's still a yearning for something.

So there becomes an urge for change. The urge to make life more satisfying, more rewarding.

And you find yourself in the position I'm in, and most of my friends are or have been in..."Well, I've been working in this industry for about eight or ten years now, and I've got the job I always hoped for, but it's not enough. I want to work at something else... but what?"

Some of us are lucky to slowly transition into something different through our job, others go it alone starting their own business doing something similar to what they were working at. But for me and many others the puzzling question remains. "What do I really want to do?" And if the job provides no dissatisfaction, it's difficult to leave.

But when the energy is pushing you so hard that you just need to make a change, then what?

That's the time to dig deep, and feel what it is you were called to do here. What is your purpose in this lifetime. How are you going to change the world. Deep down we know what we "should" be doing, but just doing it is the hard part.

I will through this blog, chronicle my efforts to rise from the mire to greatness, and through this, learn how to pull the rest of us out too.

Seven Essential Qualities of a Friend

I have been asked by a few people to discuss my seven essential qualities for a partner and even for a friend. These seven don't have anything to do with interests, appearance, wealth, sense of humour etc. All of those and similar qualities are important for an initial attraction, and also to have an interesting relationship.

The seven criteria are not in any particular order and are of the same importance. If you find that there are people in your life, who disappoint you or frustrate you, then it's likely they don't fill each and every one of these criteria. By the way, should you feel that I have left something out, please write to me. I'm keen to add to the list if it makes it more complete.

I've been told that I'm a little odd by having a list of criteria to determine whether I want to be friends with someone, but there are a few reasons. Firstly, I don't have time to waste with people who don't appreciate me and treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Secondly, friends are there to enrich our lives, not destroy them. Thirdly, I have an awesome set of friends for whom I would walk over hot coals (metaphorically) and who would do that for me, and I have that because I looked for the right people, and then spent time and energy nurturing the relationships. If I had the wrong people in my life I would have been spending my time nurturing relationships that were never going anywhere.

I determined my criteria because I had a very bad experience with a girl I dated. She was one of theose people, who seemed awesome on the surface, and was everything but, on the inside. It was however, one of the greatest learning experiences I' have had, and I thank her dearly for it.

So here's the list:

1) Honest

Self-explanatory really. If you're not honest, then what would you base the relationship on?

2) Trustworthy

Honesty and trustworthy are different. Someone can be honest, without being trustworthy, although being trustworthy without honesty is difficult. When thinking of what trustworthy is, could you trust them to look after your children, or your most valuable possession? Could you trust them with anything?

When you go into a relationship/marriage, you are going into business with this person too. Everything that is yours is also theirs and vice versa. So if you can't trust them in a "business" sense, can you really trust them to be your spouse?

3) Reliable

On the surface it seems like this is not so important. But who wants a friend who cancels on you last minute; who says they'll be there at 2pm and turns up at 2:30pm leaving you to wait in the cold. What about a friend who says they'll pick up the key on their way to seeing you, and then forgets... everytime. A lack of reliability, which includes punctuality, will become tremendously frustrating after a short time.

4) Selfless

By this I mean, not selfish. Selflessness is ideal, but we're all a little selfish at times. By this critieria I'm referring to a friend who thinks of you, and considers the feelings of others.

These four qualities equal integrity. I broke out integrity into what it means to me, because it's one of those all-encompassing words that leaves too much to the imagination when a clear set of guidelines is required.

5) Self-assured

Self-assured is a positive way of saying 'not insecure'. Again, we all have insecurities, some bigger than others. By this criteria I mean, the friend shouldn't have insecurities that dominate their life. If it does, the insecurity determines exactly how they do everything and it prevents them from being a good friend, because the insecurity will continually get in the way. It will prevent them from being the person they really are.

6) Intelligent

Their intelligence should equal your own. The closer your intelligence to your friend's will give you more in common, and more common interests.

7) Educated

To be educated, doesn't necessarily mean to have bachelor's degrees and PhD's. It means that you have taken time to educate yourself on something of interest in your life. It means that you take an interest in life in general, and you read, or take courses. We tend to define education as coming from an educational institution, but even they admit (via the giving of Honorary Degrees) that there are more ways to earn an education than simply by sitting in lecture theatres and slogging over books.

So that rounds out the seven criteria for a friend or partner. None of these is unattainable, and in fact to have all seven isn't either. All seven are critical for the person to possess... not five out of seven or six out of seven, but all seven. And, I expect 100% in each criteria.

Maybe it seems impossible, or unlikely that you could find people like this, but I find that if I have these criteria in the back of my mind when I meet people I will know whether they are people I want to surround myself with.

As far as a good partner, there are a further three that should be in sync, so that the day-to-day living is fun and friendly. You should have the same or similar views on money, family and religion. These are the most common causes of daily arguments, so if you can agree on these, you shouldn't have too many bad days. I know people who are well suited, except they have different philosphies on spending money. One likes to get her hair cut for $200, and the other saves every penny. He can't see the point of wasting so much money when a $40 cut is probably going to look almost the same, but she earns money to enjoy it, so why not. Why not indeed? It's all a matter of perspective, but having the same perspective is important. And living with someone in harmony is about sharing a similar perspective.

A Quiet Night in March

[A Story of Fiction]

7:16pm on a Monday in March

Nick didn’t feel like seeing or speaking to anyone as he leaned against his black leather sofa and turned on his flat-screen television with the remote. Wearing just boxer shorts and a t-shirt, he was ready for bed after a stressful day at work.

He and Aleesa had had problems of late and this had culminated in a ridiculous argument the day before. Nick was now abundantly aware how he should be stacking the dishwasher.

He flicked through the channels and ate the pizza he had picked up on the way home. Half ham and pineapple, half pepperoni and mushroom.

He had just settled on a re-run of Friends when the phone rang. Nick let it ring. The answering machine kicked in, and when it beeped, inviting a message, the caller had already hung up. Oh well, couldn’t have been important then.

The phone rang again. Nick turned and looked at it. Why did people only call when he wanted a quiet night alone. He let the answering machine take the call. Again, no message.
"Hmm." Nick rubbed his chin and felt the stubble emerging. He turned back to the television and bit into another slice of pizza.

The phone rang again. This had to be Aleesa calling. No-one else he knew would try calling him three times in a row and not leave a message.

Nick felt a bit guilty, but damn it, a man needed his peace. She lived a half-hour drive away, so he could just stay in the safety of his home.

Suddenly his mobile phone rang. He picked up his phone from the kitchen counter and looked at the screen. "Aleesa Home." Just as he’d suspected. Aleesa was making the calls, and now she was trying him on his mobile to see where he was. Should I answer it? He dithered with grumpy indecision until the call was answered by his voicemail.

He was still holding the phone in his hand when it rang again. "Aleesa Home." His hand shook a little with nervous anticipation. Why did she keep ringing? Stubbornness prevented him from answering. He could just call her in the morning and make up a story about where he had been. His voicemail took the call again.

He kept looking down at the mobile phone display and scratched his head with anxious anticipation. It wasn’t the first time Nick had been bombarded with calls. He kept looking at the phone but it didn’t ring. Perhaps she had decided to wait until tomorrow. Making a conscious effort to calm himself, Nick put the phone back on the counter and walked back to Friends and his cooling pizza.

As he sat back down the mobile phone rang again. Mesmerised by its ringing he walked over to it. This time the display read "Aleesa Mobile."

"Shit!" Nick grumbled. "She’s coming over!" His heart was racing, and his hands shook. He took a couple of deep breaths and thought of his options: Leave the house… or…err… stop contemplating and just leave the house!

He ran into the bedroom and grabbed his favourite jeans and a tracksuit top from his closet. He was pulling on his jeans as he dialled his friend Jamie’s number.

"Hello." Came the voice at the other end.

"Jamie, it’s Nick."

"G’day mate! Har y’u goin’?" Jamie had the most Australian accent of all Nick’s friends. His was a childhood growing up on a farm.

"Good, what you doing tonight?" Nick could hear his voice racing down the line, as he .
"Nothin’."

"Can I come over?"

"Err… Sure. When do you think you’ll be ‘round?"

"Oh, in about 15 minutes."

"Okay. What’s up?"

"I’ll explain when I get there!"

Nick hung up the phone before Jamie had a could speak. Less than two minutes later Nick was trotting down the stairs to his car, cramming a piece of pepperoni pizza in his mouth.

"Oh shit!" He remembered he hadn’t filled the car with petrol. He’d been driving for three days with the fuel warning light on. "Shit!" He started up the car. The fuel gauge didn’t move. Nick always tried to get as much out of every tank without running out. Jamie lived 10-15 minutes away, and Nick knew he couldn’t get there and back on the remaining fumes.

He drove to the service station two blocks away, and pulled up to the pump furthest from the road. If Aleesa was coming to his place she would drive past here, so he had to hurry.

Nick’s heart pounded a violent rhythm. He kept one eye on the road, one on the pump. Like a criminal on the run, he crouched a little behind his car, so as not to be visible from the road, while appearing casual and avoiding suspicion from the attendant. Then the stupidity of the situation hit him - he was being chased out of his own home by his girlfriend!

Just as he straightened up, laughing at his ridiculous predicament, he saw a flash of yellow speeding down the street and his stomach lurched. Aleesa’s Hyundai.

He sucked in the chilled air.

"Jesus Christ!" He slunk lower as Aleesa shot past, her eyes fixed on the road ahead.

He exhaled. Without thinking, he pulled the pump out of the car, petrol still flowing. He sprayed unleaded on the side of his car before his hand caught up with his racing brain.

Nick ran in, paid for the gas and was back in his car in seconds. What if he saw he wasn't around and drove back home? She might see him on the way to Jamie’s.

He pulled into a dark side street and waited anxiously. He listened to his heart thud thud in the dark. No yellow car shot by. She must be waiting at his place.

Nick shook his head. What the fuck’s wrong with her? He could feel his cheeks warm with anger. It’s a bloody Monday night! Normal people are tired on Monday nights! How did I get myself into this? What am I doing?

He opened the window and breathed in the fresh cool air. It was unseasonally cool for April in Adelaide, but that suited Nick -he wasn’t much of a "beach bum". Hesitantly he started his journey Jamie’s place, deciding side roads would be the safest route. When his mobile rang it cut the silence with a digital shrillness. Keep it together, man. Looking down he saw "Jamie Home" flash on his phone and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Jamie, what’s up?"

"I thought you could bring over those sweet-tipped cigars and we could have a smoke."

"Sorry I can’t. I’ve already left."

"Can’t you go back and get ‘em?"

"No. I’ll explain when I get there."

"Oh- "

"I’ll see you in ten minutes." He cut him off.

Nick drove down the road and took a left when he reached a T-junction. Then a right, the road curved right, left onto a road with speed bumps, another right. Nick rolled his car to a stop sign and looked left and right. Which way now? Craning his neck, he read, "Jeffrey and... McKenzie streets," out loud, hoping it would trigger a grid position in his mind. It didn’t, but his street directory indicated he was lost deep in suburbia. "Should've gone right there, not left!" he nodded as his finger traced his route.

Suddenly there was a honking horn and headlights flashing high beam behind him. He jumped with surprise. "Fuck! Aleesa!" He squinted as he peered into his rear-view mirror, examining the shape of the headlights. It wasn’t a Hyundai. He exhaled, relieved.

Nick’s foot stabbed at the accelerator and the car lurched forward. He decided to risk the major roads, knowing he had a high chance of seeing Aleesa if she was driving back home. Furtively glancing right, then left, then right again, he swung out into the road, wincing at the bright streetlights. He had to contain himself from speeding to Jamie’s apartment.

"What took you so long?" Jamie opened the door still wearing his crisp white work shirt and navy suit pants.

"I got lost in the back streets getting here. C’mon let’s go."

"Where?" Jamie was carrying a basket of freshly washed, but not dried, laundry.

"To the beach."

"Err." Jamie looked at his wet clothes. "Can I hang these up first?"

"No. We’ve got to get out of here."

"What the…?"

"We’ll take my car, so if Aleesa comes by here you’re not implicated."

Jamie threw his arms in the air and looked at his oldest friend incredulously.

"Just get in the car."

Nick swiftly headed for the car with Jamie following, head shaking. "He’s lost his fuckin’ mind!"
Taking off with a jump of the clutch and a squeal of rubber, Nick manoeuvered side streets to the beachside neighbourhood in Adelaide.

"Where’d y’ wanna go?" Jamie asked as they paced towards a café on Jetty Road.

"How about The Chocolate Box?" His stomach growled at the thought of a sugary treat.

"Sounds good. What’s goin’ on? I think you owe me, as I’ll probably have mouldy washing."

"I don’t know…" Nick glanced around as they walked into the warm smell of espresso. No Aleesa.

"Whaddya mean ‘I don’t know’? You chased me out of my home on a Monday night. This had better be good."

"Aleesa was calling me and I didn’t want to speak to her or see her so I left the house in a hurry. I thought that if I went to my parents or grandad’s she’d find me there, and I didn’t want to sleep in the car all night so I called you first."

"Oh God! Aleesa! When are you goin’ to dump that bitch?"

"I can’t."

"Whaddya mean ‘I can’t’? Just tell her ‘you’re dumped’ and it’s over."

"It’s not that easy." Nick was shifting his weight from side to side anxiously.

They ordered their coffees and slices of rich triple chocolate gateaux and found seats outside on the patio, Nick’s eyes darting about to see if he had been followed.

"Nick, what’s with the shifty eyes?"

"I can’t see her. I don’t know. It’s so stressful with her. We argue all the time. She’s storming out on me and threatening me, and whenever I get upset she turns on the waterworks and I’m powerless."

Jamie pursed his lips together.

"I’ve run out of patience with her." Nick looked again over his shoulder and saw a couple holding hands.

"So dump her."

"I know." Nick’s head dropped as he absently spooned at the froth topping his coffee. "I can’t. I don’t know. I just don’t have the energy."

"Energy to say ‘you’re gone’?!" Jamie pursed his lips again and glared at his best friend.

"Yeah yeah. I know I have to. I’m just worried what will happen when we do break up. She’ll go berserk." Again Nick took a nervous look around.

"What could she do?" Jamie sipped his coffee.

"She could throw stones at my windows, smash up my car…" Nick’s voice trailed away.

"Do you really think she’d do that?" Jamie had seen some weird stuff from Aleesa, but his voice indicated he thought Nick was going too far now.

"I wouldn’t put it past her." Nick sipped his own coffee. "She’s thrown stuff at me before."
"What stuff?"

"Hard stuff. Stuff that would hurt if she could aim straight. She grabs the first thing she sees. She’s even thrown her dildo at me!"

Jamie’s eyes rolled at the thought of a 9-inch rubber penis flying towards his friend and recalled another throwing incident. He paused and lowered the tone of his voice, "As a friend I need to tell you something."

"Okay." Nick nodded.

"You know the guys don’t won’t see you anymore if she’s with you. You’re great fun, but the way she carries on, it just ruins it for everyone. That’s why we haven’t invited you to come with us for Easter."

"Really?" Nick was suddenly conscious of spending less time with his mates.

"That time we were all out for Robbo’s birthday-" Jamie’s blue eyes pierced Nick’s.

Nick nodded, knowing where the story was headed.

"And she threw wine on you. That was fucked! It ruined the night for all of us. She was gettin’ all insecure and even though you wore the wine, we felt it too. Sometimes she’s great, but she carries on like an idiot far too often. We just wanna have a good time."

Nick nodded again and rubbed his face with both hands.

"You’re just not the same anymore. You’re on edge right now!" Jamie shook his head with disappointment. "Aleesa’s taken the old Nick away. You always had so much energy. You look exhausted."

"I feel exhausted."

"You have to break up with her."

"I know. I will. Just give me time."

"How much time? We’re talking about friendships here... your own health and sanity. We’ve had this conversation before."

"Yeah I know." Nick slouched in his chair.

Nothing was said for a minute as they both digested some cake and coffee.

"Doesn’t she have a key to your place?"

"No." Nick smiled finally. "I took it back two weeks ago. I was sick of her arriving unannounced at ten at night."

"And she didn’t make copies?"

"I’ll know when I get home." Nick imagined his walls being spray-painted, the red paint dribbling down like blood in a B-grade horror film.

"Let’s go ‘n’ play some pinball!"

Nick looked at his watch. It was already almost nine. So much for a quiet night at home. "Okay." Anything to take his mind off Aleesa.

Lou's Video Parlour was almost empty. Two teenage kids were playing a shoot-'em-up game and a couple was on the racing cars. Even the 80s music was playing quietly.

They slapped the little stainless steel balls around their bright neon cage, Nick thinking how much he felt like one of them, bouncing off the walls. After a couple of hours, Jamie was killing him so they took a break and had another caffeine hit. It was almost midnight when they were walking back to the car.

As they pulled into Jamie’s driveway, Nick broke the silence, "It’s late. Aleesa has to be home in bed by now. It is Monday after all." Nick heard the relief in his own voice.

"Yeah, you’re right." Jamie sounded positive.

"Thanks for coming out with me tonight at such short notice."

"No worries mate. Anythin’ for a friend." Jamie jumped out of the car and headed towards his front door.

Driving home, Nick felt exhaustion drag him down. He thought for the first time about how his tiredness affected him physically. He felt his shoulders rounded and slumped, his eyes strained and his head bowed. He remembered his half-eaten pizza at home and the quiet evening that had slipped through his fingers. Nick sighed as he turned the corner.

He almost sensed the yellow flash before he saw it. Suddenly a car turned off the main road and onto the street Nick was on. Aleesa!

Nick crouched over the wheel and increased his speed. He turned left onto the main road and accelerated wildly. He could feel reason leaving him as he glanced repeatedly into the rear-view mirror. He felt like he was being chased by a serial killer in a movie. No. No. No! Yes. Aleesa had seen him and was now in pursuit. The imagined killer was sharpening his rusty hook. His stomach clenched and his balls tightened. She was at least 300 metres behind but was closing quickly. Nick estimated she must have been driving over 100km/h. Her car was lurching rapidly towards him as if it were possessed.

Suddenly he realised he would need to explain why he had ignored her calls. His mobile was on the passenger seat. One hand on the wheel, he switched it off and buried it in the back of the glove box. His second wind had blown in with a fury and he was suddenly wide awake. He was careening through the streets dangerously, but she was still gaining.

He realised the futility of a car chase and slowed down. She came up alongside him, her brakes squealing as she slowed to his speed.

Nick looked over to see a very distressed-looking Aleesa screaming and gesticulating at him through the window. He didn’t want her to come home with him, and thought dealing with it on the side of the road would be better.

There was no way out. He pulled over. Aleesa stopped her car behind his and burst out. "Why were you driving so fast? Didn’t you see my car?"

"No, I’m sorry. I was focused on the road." The first white lie for the night had left Nick’s lips.
"Where have you been all night?!" She was shaking, on the verge of tears.

"Just out with Jamie." Nick acted as casual as possible, even though his heart was thumping. He shoved his hands into his pockets, "We were hanging out at the beach. We'd organized it a few days ago." The second white lie. And then with feigned anger in his voice, "And what the hell are you doing driving around at midnight on a Monday?"

"I’ve been trying to call you all night!" A single tear began its slow journey down her left cheek and Nick’s heart melted. He had no defence against a woman’s tears and Aleesa knew it. "You weren’t home so I rang your mobile and you didn’t answer that."

"Yeah. I don’t know. I must have left it at work by accident." The third white lie. Since Nick had started dating Aleesa he had become a master of telling the "white lie". He’d had to, for his own sanity.

"Well…" Aleesa was now visibly quite upset. "I just wanted to talk with you." Her voice was choking on the words. "After I called you, and you didn’t answer I drove to your place and waited in the driveway for an hour and a half. I fell asleep in the car. Then you weren’t home at nine, so I drove to your parents and grandparents place to see if your car was there. But you weren’t so I thought you’d be with Jamie. So I called directory assistance for information and they gave me his phone number and address."

"You got his address?" Nick didn’t think they were supposed to give that out.

"I asked nicely." She smiled through her tears. Nick knew Aleesa had the knack of getting more out of people than they wanted to give. "So I rang Jamie and he wasn’t there."

"Well he was out with me." Nick couldn’t believe the lengths she had gone to find him.
"So then I drove to Glenelg and around the city looking for your car. Finally I decided to go to Jamie’s place and see if maybe he had come home and knew something."

"Wow."

"When I rang you and there was no answer I panicked. I just wanted to talk to you."

Nick moved towards her and gave her a hug. He loved Aleesa, and even though she caused him so much heartache, he thought she was good person. "It wasn’t her fault," he would reason.

"Aleesa I’m tired. It’s midnight on a Monday and I don’t have the energy to argue. I want to go home." He looked at her face, now wet with tears. "You can come home with me if you like." He felt broken, his resolve gone. She had weakened him… again.

Arriving home soon after, Nick trudged up to his front door with Aleesa chattering excitedly behind him. She was pulling at his clothes the minute the door closed and they fell into bed like always. The sex with Aleesa was always great, but Nick couldn’t help but feel that this time his heart really wasn’t in it.

As they drifted off, Nick let his mind wander back to the start of his evening and wished for a simpler life.

[A Story of Fiction]

Seeing more with my third eye!

My psychic Third Eye is really starting to open up!

After meditation last night I read tarot cards for one of the guys. He asked me the same question he's asked two other psychics, and lo and behold, I gave him the exact same answer.

And... it was also the first time I had "seen" an image in my mind. Previously when reading cards or palms I had only received my messages in the form of ideas. This time I had the ideas, as well as the image. The image comes as though I'm remembering something, but of course, I hadn't seen this before. That made me very happy.

Then last night and again just now I started to see colour in the aura. Last night I was looking in the space between my fingers and saw that the aura, which up until now had appeared as a white colour, was becoming a pale indigo, the colour I've been told my aura is.

Just now a work colleague came into my office wearing a rich purple jacket. Around the jacket I saw a yellow aura, and around her head I saw the same pale indigo aura, which she knows she has. Everything has an aura, and purple things have a yellow aura.

It's awesome that something's happening now. I feel the momentum and it's sparking even more enthusiasm to keep it rolling forward.